Apologies all if this seems a little rushed. Today is a very busy day! I have to get to town to check out some music I might buy, get school to sign out (i.e. give in all the books I have borrowed for my subjects), change into decent clothes and then get back for the barbecue and bouncy castle on our last ever day at The Highfield School. I'm afraid this isn't another of those 'it was great knowing you, good luck in life' as I've done one of those, and you should be bloody grateful you got one at all, being the miserable, cynical shit bag I am.
It isn't about the World Cup either as all my favourite teams got knocked out (apart from the Netherlands) and as England are now out...which despite the goal which never was, we deserved, (although if that goal had counted, we may have played better defensively) there doesn't seem much point in following it so whole-heartedly now. Especially since South Korea got knocked out to...I am sorry Park Ji Sung.
Before I begin what I'm going to complain about, that being this new obsession people have with Vampires, I wanted to direct your attention to a new blog I started up. I doubt you'll remember, but awhile ago I said I wanted to write down for each day about my time in America, using a journal as a guide which I wrote in every day. The blog began on the 27th of June (my first day in America) and the site is http://wallijunclesam.wordpress.com/ for any of you remotely interested.
Let us begin! Vampires used to be cool. Like, I loved Dracula when I was about 13, and purchased the book for only a pound when I was in Whitby. For those who are uniformed, Whitby is the setting Bram Stoker used as the place Dracula landed when sailing over from Transylvania. Vampires have been up there with zombies and ghosts in horror fiction and are a fantastic creation. Yet recently, they have slowly been ruined. The main cause of this is the series Twilight by Stephanie Myers. Now, don't think I'm complaining because of Robert Pattison or that I'm jealous of Taylor Lauftner's abs...I'm complaining because they've ruined the entire concept of the Vampire. Vampires are bastards. They will come into your room at night, and bite at your neck until you bleed. "Ooh, Edward Cullen is so romantic, just read the scene on page 128*" I read it, it was a fucking dinner scene. He took her out to dinner? Wow, I consider that sweet but it's not that impressive.
If you've read the original Dracula, you'd know what vampires are really about. Bram Stoker's Dracula is a mystifying creature. He is extremely old when Jonathan Harker first meets him, yet is very youthful when he arrives in England. He is a man, or creature, who can enchant women...which Myer's tries to adopt. Where Dracula enchants Lucy and sucks her blood, Edward Cullen enchants Bella and then...buys her dinner. DOES NOBODY SEE THE PROBLEM HERE? I mean seriously, are you fucking kidding me? Also, the author lamely attempts to deal with this obvious flaw by showing that Edward is a vegetarian, like his family. As far as I'm aware, they drink animal blood still, and I'm pretty sure that's the exact OPPOSITE of being vegetarian. Also, drinking human blood is in their nature...it is a predicate. (A word I picked up in Philosophy.) It would be like having a zombie film where instead of them eating your brains, they give you an Xbox and then ask you to play a few rounds of Modern Warfare 2.
Right, that's all I need to saw about Twishite. The problem is...from this sudden upheaval of vampire love, loads of things have suddenly been written because vampires are what's cool now. I haven't seen True Blood but I'm pretty sure it's not very good. The only thing they probably did right was make vampires bastards again. But, it's too late. The concept has been ruined and I can no longer love vampires. Luckily, zombies will always kick-ass and you should definitely check out both The Zombie Survival Guide and the film Zombieland. If you needed further proof of this growing obsession with vampires...here's a film that's coming soon...
Daybreakers
Now, don't get me wrong, this seems like an okay film with a fairly decent cast. It won't be amazing but it looks cool. But all the time I was watching I kept thinking "This has only been done to try and make vampires cool again..." Too late, I kept expecting them to suddenly say "O and by the way, what time shall I pick you up for the Prom, I'll make sure to glitter extra for you!" The glitter thing is another thing that has ruined the original concept. Sunlight was the way the humans won. Humans would draw them out in the day then throw holy water on them and stab the shit out of them with crucifixes. According to Myer, Vampires just get shiny and beautiful in the sunlight. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
Perhaps people think I'm being unfair. She's taken a concept and reworked it for her own needs right? Well I disagree. If you take a fictional creature, you cannot, EVER, change the fundamentals of what makes it so. Vampires suck blood, zombies eat brains, ghosts...kind of just throw shit around to scare you (well that's more poltergeists.) The point is, a fictional thing is created with fundamental characteristics and changing them completely changes what the thing is. Put it this way, imagine you have a friend with a long nose, short hair and who is tall. Take all of those things away and replace them with anything. Try a much shorter nose, no hair and make them a midget. Now, is it the same person? No. Perhaps you can argue that their personality is the same...blah blah. Okay. The point is to take away all that Stephanie Myers has with vampires means that Twilight is not a series about vampires but a series about whatever the hell you want to call them. Beautiful, loving vegetarian guys. And that's why I felt the need to use an Arctic Monkeys song. There not an amazing band, but they're okay and the title is perfect. Vampires is a bit strong for what Myers has created. They're nothing like vampires, they're just creatures who might suck blood sometimes, just not humans and also they're suddenly compassionate.
The last thing I need to criticise is that since vampires are viewed as cool cats who love to buy you dinner instead of making you their dinner, young girls have fallen in love with them. I'm genuinely worried that some of these pre-pubescent innocent girls are starting to believe that one day they'll find their own Edward Cullen...vampire and all. In the words of Helen Lovejoy from The Simpsons "What about the children?! Won't somebody please think of the children!?" If you've stumbled on this blog and you're already crying through tears as I cut down your dreams, get ready for one last blow. Vampires are not real and if they were, they wouldn't buy you a lovely dinner or save you from bad vampires, they'd kill you and then make you like them. Get over it kid, at least Santa's real, be happy with that.
Now go away.
*Not actual page number
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