America is not the World

Ready for a couple of shocks? I bloody hate Halloween and I'm really starting to resent America! I had a fantastic time when I lived out there, however, over the time since being back I realised one thing. I stayed and saw an educated, beautiful, friendly and accepting part of America. However, a large part of it is bigoted, racist, uneducated and ugly. Well, not a large part...but enough that I think to myself that America is not as great as it thinks and when it does something stupid...it's on too grand a scale not to think, fucking hell what a shit country. Now all I've done is complain about the States, so what was the need to mention Halloween? It relates to today's topic of discussion you brilliant people! Also, Halloween is two days away so it's quite relevant. 


Yes, I really hate Halloween. I think it's a stupid, over-hyped time of year that doesn't deserve the attention it gets. How does it relate to today's blog though? It's American and something we've taken on board and I wanted to cover a couple of other pretty fucking stupid things we've 'adopted' from America. Why would we? We want to be them of course! However much people say 'they're stupid' or they hate that they invade countries, we still want America's silly ideas. We idolise the traits that we define them by...god we're morons. Do we take in their culture or great thinkers? No...we accept a shitty time of year and sell a load of merchandise and crap costumes just so little shits can beg at your door for sweets that will blow up their tiny, moronic brains. After that rant, are you ready for the top 5 hated adoptions from the good ol' US of A? I know I am, so I'll begin, try to keep up. 


1) Fast Food


Now, I'll admit I do quite like certain fast food at certain times. However, I don't think anyone can argue it's a good thing for us. I realise I have said repeatedly that how you look isn't important, but it's certainly caused a lot of fat people to spring up. That's all fine and dandy but the lazy want convenience. If fast food didn't exist then the fat would have to make an effort to get food and as it takes an effort, chances are it'll be better for them! If you have to cook a proper meal you think "Well I'll make it great then!" If you can get it cheap and easy, you'll love it (just how I love my women). 


Not only do these places promote easy and cheap access to food that's bad for us as a nation, they're also pretty damn unethical! You don't know how they make their food, nor what they do to the poor animals before hand...it's a disgrace. Once again, I'm being a hypocrite because I do love a Big Mac or a quarter pounder with cheese. Yet, if we hadn't them in the first place this country might be doing a little better...not on a grand scale, but at least around their waist line! We also wouldn't have those stupid adverts with an even dumber tagline. I'm not loving it, I quite like it but I need more self-control! That's not really a good argument against them but hey, I think we can agree they're America's fault! 


2) Proms 


You know how I hate the superficial! If you don't by now, I jolly well think they're disgusting. You judge someone on their looks, you deserve to have a pipe smashed into your face so much that you become as unattractive as the people you so harshly criticise. Proms are one thing that has become quite popular in schools, and is so superficial it makes me throw up on any attractive people in the vicinity. Twice. 

It's that god damn pressure. You have to find a date or you're apparently 'not good enough'. You are ostracised by your peers just for not wanting to force yourself to find a date. Sure, you can go with a friend or friends but the same harsh treatment applies. I mean, who's going to dance with you during the slow songs? Yup, you have to sit awkwardly by yourself or go and eat the McDonald's food they've laid out for you. That's right, you're the shy fat kid who nobody dances with because they think they're better than you. Honestly, it's only that they are better looking but when it comes to their stupid brains they've been shrunk with all the colouring they used in their ridiculous hair. 


That's another thing! People always say how great everyone looks. I'll admit, it makes you feel better if you look good...but why are we having a get together when looking good is so important? Can't we just go out, sit around with people you care about and all look pleasantly average. Think about it, how many people do you actually give a shit about who went to your school prom? 5, 6? Maybe I just have no friends, but I think it's a fake, superficial event that nobody needed. Why did we take it on? Because it looked great in Saved by the Bell. Well done us. This brings me nicely on to number 3...


3) Television


Our television is great. Fact. We've had brilliant comedy, some of the best news coverage, the greatest dramas, fantastic sport coverage (bar ITV) and who can forget our advertisements ;) Honestly, without a shadow of a doubt our television, particularly comedy, far surpasses anything the American's have. Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Black Adder, The original Office, Extras, Peep Show. All comedies that the Americans didn't really get. Our sense of humour is so superior, I'd argue theirs is a little immature. Yet, because our country doesn't appreciate good television, we've imported wave and wave of American shows.


Now, I'll gladly say that there is a couple of exceptions. HBO seems to do a lot of good television shows, but we really do import the worst of the worst. MTV is the biggest culprit I've briefly complained about it in the past. Shows such as My Super Sweet 16 or MTV Teen Cribs. Spoilt fuckers prancing around in their designer clothing and then going down to the massive basement to roll in some money before driving (even though they're only 16) their new Hummer to pick up some friends and talk about something mundane like how hot Justin Bieber is, or how great that they can have a party where two hundred people can come but they'll still insist people they don't like are publicly humiliated on television. PHEW, got carried away there. The point remains, it's gaudy and obnoxious, yet some of these rubbish shows get more viewing figures than some of the great shows. 


I'll give you a quick example. Roger and Val have just got In was a clever, small comedy about a couple, portrayed by two great actors, Dawn French and Alfred Molina. It built up, starting with the smallest of things the couple bickered about and ended with a fantastic climax. I guarantee more people watched the fucking Hills or 90210 (which isn't even a good title) than this brilliant piece. I can't even begin to coherently express how disgraceful both the mentioned shows are. Simply, they're awful and should be banned to save our nation from a future of mind boggling stupidity and people who prioritise popularity, money and looks over what really matters. Fucking MTV. Still don't believe me? http://americaisretarded.com/


4) Speech 


The television invasion has also lead to another problem. People don't talk properly. More and more teenagers are adopting that frustrating inflection in their tone. They raise the sentence at the end so everything sounds like a question! It may sound like a dumb thing to complain about, but listen to it long enough and it will cause you physical pain. Why? You'll grind your teeth so hard and you'll break your fist punching their jaw in. I don't have much to say on this except it doesn't surprise me why America love our accents so much. We talk so much better... No wonder we're perceived as so smart ;) If you know someone who talks in this way, give them a fork in the eye from me okay? 


5) Halloween 


We can't forget the one that got this whole thing started can we? Halloween is terrible. I don't mind if someone wants to celebrate it on a small scale in their own time, but don't take it to the streets! Trick or treating is probably one of the worst things we've taken from America. It's a lot worse because of the trick part. This country can embarrass me sometimes, what with such stupidity as the English Defence League (racist cunts if you aren't aware), and the tricks people pull of year after year. 


My mother doesn't agree with the concept of it, she sees it as begging. It is, and we don't even do it properly. It wouldn't be too bad if little kids did it with their parents and nobody did it past the age of about 10. What is the country made up of? Teenage yobs. We got told a story in about year five about some teenagers whose idea of a 'trick' was to kick an old lady's cat to death because she didn't have any sweets for them. Yup, makes me real proud to be English! Tricks are taken too far and some people are just plain rude in the way they demand your food.


On another note, if we are planning to rob the idea, at least imitate it properly. In America, if you turn your light out it means you want to be left alone and people respect this. Why can't we do the same? If I didn't answer my door this Halloween, I will wake up with the house covered in eggs, toilet paper and some poo on the front mat. It's a joke...and a very unfunny one at that! Can't we just forget this stupid tradition and just watch a horror film and eat some toffee apples and shut up? It's not as if any of this is real...god we really are thick sometimes.


In credit to it, America isn't all bad! Of course not. As I've pointed out in my last choice, we do our own fair share of stupid things. I think America isn't wholly to blame, we've chosen to take these ideas on. Shame they don't take on ours *cough* NHS. Despite all they do that is good, we seem to just adopt the bad. I have a theory... we take the stupid ideas from America, so when people like me (i.e. geniuses) complain, the majority (i.e. morons) can say "Well, look how crap America is! Blah, blah, we're so amazing!" If that's the way we do things, I want no part in that plan! That said, America still far too much wrong and they are certainly not the world (as said by Morrissey) despite them thinking they are. How about this Halloween you don't do as they do and maybe it'll burst their massive ego...if only a little.


Now go away.