Immigrant Song

Hello you ruffians,  I hope your Easter has been unproductive as mine, despite getting my room (reasonably) tidy. This blog could be about the first debate last night and in general, the General election ;) It won't be though because I'm a moron (and so are you, so even if I did know, I'd be wasting my time ;) ) and don't know enough about all of it. Hell, I even had to have some explain proportional representation, I can hear you guffawing now at that ignorance. All I have to say is, people seem to love ol' Cleggy. He's what the Youths of today want, a young (ish), confident guy who knows how to talk...do you know who I'm immediately reminded of, Obama. But I didn't really like him, he could talk all day, but what were his plans? Anyway, all this proves is my theory that Youths are morons. To be honest, I'll probably end up voting for Clegg myself, but that's just because I'm bored of Labour and fuck off am I ever giving Cameron the time of day (or my vote...) 


Moving swiftly on from a topic you or I know nothing about...I will be discussing one 'hot topic' that has come up in this debate. Immigration, a topic which I know a fair bit about and also gives me a cool song to use as the title, i.e. Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. Don't expect a mastery of information, or brilliance concerning all the issues and possible solutions, I'm not a fucking politician. I'm only writing this as it comes to my small brain you dick, so fuck off with any criticisms that are already sprouting in that spongy thing you call a brain. 


I suppose the best thing to be would be to say why people think there's a problem, that being the number of immigrants coming in to the country. Now, realistically, I think there is a bit of a problem...we can't sustain all the immigrants we have. Yet, the extremists are always mouthing off, incoherently I might add, about deportation...sure, but why does it have to be the immigrants? How about, we get rid of all those people I deem (that's right, this is my Reich) to be inefficient, whoever they are. Basically, if I think you're a moron, I'll kick you out. This will greatly help as I think almost everybody's a moron. We could even have a talent show, X-Factor style, just to be ironic. (Because only morons compete and watch this show.) You have ten minutes to prove that you have something to offer our faltering nation or I will press my big red button and a giant boot will kick you over to France...all 26 miles of the English Channel. (It's set by the Sea, case I forgot to mention, which I did.) Also, if you're a girl and you think it's good idea to just "flash me" that won't work, because I'll just think your a slag, and do you know what slags are, morons. Bye bye slut, bye bye.


Now I've finished with the visualisation of my great future, we can move back to the real and now. Ok, now we've solved what to do with the numbers, let's think what to do about people coming in... Ok so we have this giant boot... just kidding. Seriously folks, it is a problem, we're only a small nation, and France are dicks about it. They won't take a single immigrant for the most part, and they're twice as big as us. I don't have a plausible way of dealing with this problem, the main point of this blog is just to highlight some of the concerns people seem to have. Ok, let's just list them in a nice format, won't that be lovely? 


- Number Coming In, as mentioned a real concern is how many immigrants we are taking in, but in the paragraph above, we've solved this little problem :) 
- Number of Jobs for these workers, Don't fret, if we follow my plan, lots of jobs for everyone! However...one thing I do want to say is...


People complain about them doing your jobs...the only people who can legitimately complain are students, most immigrants are doing the toilet cleaning, or the coffee making...fuck off would you do those jobs you twat. 


Cultural Changes This is one that does bug me. A lot of immigrants come to this country and expect us to change this back to how their home life used to be...one great example was the Muslim school...look, I'm too stupid and lazy to type it up, just read this article...


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/personal-view/4700709/We-must-stop-Muslim-schools-teaching-that-integration-is-a-sin.html

Basically, they don't want their kids knowing stuff on the curriculum...biggest highlight, Shakespeare....hm HELLO, national fucking treasure, if you live here, you will teach and learn about him. It goes against their religion apparently. Probably doesn't help that I'm an Atheist but surely you must understand how ridiculous that is. 


And finally, drum roll please, Illegal Immigrants. Bet you were all on the edge of your seats. Yes, this is the big one. The main reason people think there's a problem. And there is. If someone is an illegal immigrant, they get underpaid, boo hoo for them, but also cash in hand, no tax see...tut tut. So essentially you've got a lot of people taking from the system, but not giving anything back...not good is it. Once again, I don't have a bloody solution, I wish I did, but nothing comes to mind that's either funny or genius (though my kicking out policy plan, might just work.) 


At the core, we have a problem...follow my programme though, and we won't. O, but do sort out the illegal ones you tits, I do like my services making money. I leave you now with a vaguely related video. The man of ten thousand sound effects, Michael Winslow himself :


Michael Winslow covers Immigrant Song

Hope this was detailed enough for you and amusing enough, that's the only reason I do this, to get confirmation from you that I'm good enough. Enjoy going back to school. I won't. Now go away.