So here is part two of this election bumper special. The title is especially fitting, a fantastic song by Pink Floyd about education, and aptly named 'Part II' which is what this blog is....if you paid any attention, or could read. Which you can't, because Labour have fucked up education :) (Not really, I'm just being obnoxious.) To be honest, this blog isn't about them...or even about the Liberal Democrats. It's about ol' Cameron. Last night, during the debate (obviously...) a question was asked by Brian from Birmingham. He asked what the candidates would do to ensure that his children, from an under privileged school, would be able to get the same opportunities as those from other backgrounds. Not only did Mr. Cameron not answer the question, he began talking about Labour's failings, YET again. He also said something rather ironic. He began by congratulating, in a patronising tosspot manner, Brian for doing the hard job that he does. He said how he understands how hard teaching can be, and how highly he values it. Quick off the mark as always, my mother snidely quipped "and that's why your freezing their pay is it then you wanker?" I do love my mother, but that comment summed up why Cameron is not what this country needs. He will be prepared to talk of how highly he VALUES teachers...but he wants them to get paid the same. Isn't that lovely! It's a bit like me asking for a better quality chicken pie but wanting to pay the same as I would for one made of chicken's blood and feathers and some mud.
The main reason I get angry is, not only because my mother is a wonderful teacher, but because I see education and teaching as the most important thing in our society. People say "Ah, what about policemen, or lawyers, or bankers?" Yeah, who taught them to do their job? Point proven. Teachers are not only vastly underpaid, but the system doesn't work for a lot of people. I'm not sure how to fix this, as I say time and time again, I'm essentially a moron, I just do a good job of hiding the fact I am. I don't have answers you degenerates! I suppose it would make sense to address different types of education, so people could adapt to what they want to do. I think that's actually what the Lib Dems are going to attempt, with smaller classes and a more flexible curriculum.
I had a discussion about this last night with someone. They thought that a lot of jobs are underpaid,that is completely true, but my reasoning was that teaching is the priority. They also said that teachers should be paid more when teaching quality improves. Although quality of teaching is not fantastic, in the grand scheme of things, it's pretty good. There's a play, or a novel, I forget, where two men are on a boat. One is a Conservative and exclaims how education is wasted on the lower classes. The other defends against this, and turns to the boy steering the boat. "Boy, what would you give to learn about the Ancient Greeks and the histories of the ancient world?" The boy replies "Everything I have sir." And with that, it shows how much people should value education.
To add to this thought, I was discussing University with my mother. I pointed out how a lot of people were going for the sake of going, rather than for any real purpose. She cut me off and said "Education for the sake of education, is worth more than none at all." It's completely true....and that's what the Liberal Democrats understand. They are putting more emphasis on programmes to help those for who University isn't a great option, but at the moment is the only one. The point is Mr. Cameron, however we deal with it, you can't suggest freezing teachers pay...to do so would convince more people to not pursue it as a profession, when so many already don't think it's a good idea. Let's face it, we've all been to school, kids are little shits, why would you want to teach them for such little pay? We need more people to want to teach, and to do so we must make sure their pay increases!
Also, it's about the economy. As things increase in value, and cost more, cars, housing, household costs etc, you need the money to match the cost. If your income isn;t making up for the increase percentage, your fucked basically...and all for wanting to help out the next generation.
I'd like to finally say that I personally think our generation is mostly moronic children who run around punching each other and blowing raspberries. If we don't pay teachers more, we'll not only see a decrease in quality but a decrease in quantity. Then we'll be in a society of people who act like monkeys rather than humans, and as a whole, we'll be fucked. Not every school is like Eton you Tory cumclot, and considering your children go to State schools (apparently) I'd have thought you'd be a little less naive. By the way, I'm entitled to complain, because I plan to go into teaching. If you don't all begin to value it for what it is, and pay teachers properly, I will have to unleash fascism, and that means morons will die. They don't have to die, they can be saved through...you guessed it, education ;)
Now go away.
Another Brick in the Wall Part II
Friday, 30 April 2010
Mr. Robinson's Quango
Hello voters of the next generation. For the first time, my head is too full of ideas of what to write about...I originally had planned to help out the Liberal Democrats campaign in our school's mock election, and to do this, I'd write a lovely blog on why you should vote for them (symbolically) next Thursday. It would also hopefully boost real support for the Lib Dems for those who CAN vote. But then I went and watched the leadership debate last night...what a silly man I am! This is exactly why ignorance is bliss. If I had ignored the debates, I wouldn't have a problem. But I did, and David Cameron aggravated me to no end. Impressive really, as I only watched the last half an hour. Essentially, I won't go into details here...wait for part two! Basically, it got me really frustrated about education, especially concerning teacher's pay. So I felt the burning desire to talk about this and what I would do if I was leader. I like to pretend sometimes that I'll be in power one day, because it makes me think people would love me, when really I'd probably be shot for my fascist ideas (ironic isn't it?) Also, I always have amusing, yet impractical solutions at the ready to share with you. I was fine with doing a bumper blog, one about the Liberal Democrats, mainly in concern to the mock election and the secondary being about education.
All was well, until I came home and saw what my sisters were watching... It was called, I believe, MTV Teen Cribs? It was the biggest showing of self-appreciation that I had ever seen! It was disgusting. It made me feel physically ill. However, before I start this tirade, I'll just say this, I'll rant about it next week people, don't you worry! So, I suppose now we've got that information out the way concerning the inner workings of my fantastic mind, we can begin...
Ok, so today was the 'debates' for the mock election. For anyone who wasn't there...where the fuck were you?! You shouldn't be allowed to vote you scoundrel! Just kidding folks. In all honesty, it was brilliant. A big congratulations to ALL who spoke (even if I didn't agree with them.) A worthy mention espcially to Miss. Pedrick who genuinally made me believe the Lib Dems were magical and good. I would also like to congratulate the KS3 Conservative Candidate. I hope this doesn't sound patronising, but he made a speech, and the poor kid has a speech impediment. He did great though, and if any of you giggled at any of his speech...I will find you, and I will kill you. I only wish there had been more time to give a question about teacher's pay...that's right you Conservative wankers...I know your plans.
I have to complain here quickly about the support Russell Howard party people...firstly, it was pretty obvious only the three major parties would speak, after all, this was inspired by the debates on television. I could almost understand it if you were representing a minor party, after all U.K.I.P and The Green Party complained about not being included in the real debates.
Yet, Russell Howard isn't a party...he's not running, he's just a bit of a buffoon. I don't even think he's that funny. My mate Elliot pointed out how bad his comic timing is, a couple of months ago, and now it's all I notice. He's sort of funny on occasion, but mostly I wish he'd quieten down. Of course, now I've said that, all of those who supported him today will not be voting Lib Dem next week, well done me. But I don't really care, this is my blog, if you don't like my opinion, fuck off yeah? (Please don't go, nobody reads this anyway!)
In all honesty, both in the debate today and the actual ones that have been televised, it's not a good argument by the minor party. I think people have to face the harsh reality that until the system is reformed (which I don't think it needs to be) minor parties will never have a real say. I can't really be bothered to blather on about Proportional Representation though, so let's move on shall we. Final congratulations, good luck all... Well, not really, if you don't vote Lib Dem I will blind you with forks made of gold (if the Conservatives win) or make you eat coal (in the event Labour win.) I hope you see what I did there, if not, do some bloody research.
I want to start off by basically insulting the posters that have been put up around school. They are SO awful (not ours obviously, ours are genius...especially the Margaret Thatcher one about stealing milk) that I could wipe my bum on a piece of paper and scrawl VOTE LIB DEM YEAH? and it would be of a better quality. I realise how disgusting that imagery is so I apologise....NAHT (The Borat reference there should win over at least half the student body.) Seriously folks, one of the posters is about the Lib Dems plans to not renew Trident, for those out there who are unaware, this is our nuclear missile defence system. The poster is a picture of Saddam Hussein and how our security is now threatened boo hoo. SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS. Firstly, if we disarm, we're not at threat...N.A.T.O have got our backs covered in case of nuclear war. Secondly, Saddam's dead dumb dumb. You could have used Kim Jong Ill, would have been especially effective to use his Team America copy...maybe like a slogan "I'm so Ronery without our Nuclear Defence system." I CAME UP WITH THAT JUST NOW. Who the hell have you got running your poster campaign labour? A monkey with one eye?! (GORDON BROWN REFERENCE!) I am on fire today.
The point is, once you've stopped chortling at all those witticisms, Trident costs a shit load to renew (to put it bluntly, about 12 billion pounds?) and is not worth it. Honestly, if we ever get attacked by nukes, what is the point of attacking back? How selfish would that be? JUST let us die and let the world carry on...don't blow up most of it to retaliate! As Ghandi said, "an eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind." In this case, it makes it cough up its lungs during the nuclear fallout.
ALSO, as a way of saving money, the Liberal Democrats are getting rid of Quangos. For those uninformed, a Quango is a department set up to investigate other departments about how well they're doing. They're not very useful though, despite the good intentions, and just do more harm than good. Like Gordon Brown lololol. (I personally don't mind ol' Gordon, but do vote Lib Dems.) They cost more money, and getting rid of them means more money for you!
As an interlude to all this political jargon and unfunny references, here's a Blur song about Quangos. Also, the title of the blog, as it was the only song that seemed appropriate...
Mr. Robinson's Quango
This money will be used to really help out education, especially ol' student grants for those going to University. For the first time, this seems plausible due to the money being made through these cuts.
Personally, I'll finish here. Lucy and our KS3 candidate (yes, I'm a dick, I don't know his name) made all the points you need to know! You got the main jist about why were awesome by now. If not, then go eat your hands so you can't vote. DO IT. Seriously, it'll be good to see all those who vote next week, both in School and in life? I'll be honest, in terms of the real deal, the best Lib Dems can hope for is a hung parliament, only because of the way the seats work out. But, at least if they get a hung parliament they can do something good!
So, if you hadn't worked it out by now. Vote Lib Dem, because the Tories are rich tossers and Labour have awful posters.
Now go away.
All was well, until I came home and saw what my sisters were watching... It was called, I believe, MTV Teen Cribs? It was the biggest showing of self-appreciation that I had ever seen! It was disgusting. It made me feel physically ill. However, before I start this tirade, I'll just say this, I'll rant about it next week people, don't you worry! So, I suppose now we've got that information out the way concerning the inner workings of my fantastic mind, we can begin...
Ok, so today was the 'debates' for the mock election. For anyone who wasn't there...where the fuck were you?! You shouldn't be allowed to vote you scoundrel! Just kidding folks. In all honesty, it was brilliant. A big congratulations to ALL who spoke (even if I didn't agree with them.) A worthy mention espcially to Miss. Pedrick who genuinally made me believe the Lib Dems were magical and good. I would also like to congratulate the KS3 Conservative Candidate. I hope this doesn't sound patronising, but he made a speech, and the poor kid has a speech impediment. He did great though, and if any of you giggled at any of his speech...I will find you, and I will kill you. I only wish there had been more time to give a question about teacher's pay...that's right you Conservative wankers...I know your plans.
I have to complain here quickly about the support Russell Howard party people...firstly, it was pretty obvious only the three major parties would speak, after all, this was inspired by the debates on television. I could almost understand it if you were representing a minor party, after all U.K.I.P and The Green Party complained about not being included in the real debates.
Yet, Russell Howard isn't a party...he's not running, he's just a bit of a buffoon. I don't even think he's that funny. My mate Elliot pointed out how bad his comic timing is, a couple of months ago, and now it's all I notice. He's sort of funny on occasion, but mostly I wish he'd quieten down. Of course, now I've said that, all of those who supported him today will not be voting Lib Dem next week, well done me. But I don't really care, this is my blog, if you don't like my opinion, fuck off yeah? (Please don't go, nobody reads this anyway!)
In all honesty, both in the debate today and the actual ones that have been televised, it's not a good argument by the minor party. I think people have to face the harsh reality that until the system is reformed (which I don't think it needs to be) minor parties will never have a real say. I can't really be bothered to blather on about Proportional Representation though, so let's move on shall we. Final congratulations, good luck all... Well, not really, if you don't vote Lib Dem I will blind you with forks made of gold (if the Conservatives win) or make you eat coal (in the event Labour win.) I hope you see what I did there, if not, do some bloody research.
I want to start off by basically insulting the posters that have been put up around school. They are SO awful (not ours obviously, ours are genius...especially the Margaret Thatcher one about stealing milk) that I could wipe my bum on a piece of paper and scrawl VOTE LIB DEM YEAH? and it would be of a better quality. I realise how disgusting that imagery is so I apologise....NAHT (The Borat reference there should win over at least half the student body.) Seriously folks, one of the posters is about the Lib Dems plans to not renew Trident, for those out there who are unaware, this is our nuclear missile defence system. The poster is a picture of Saddam Hussein and how our security is now threatened boo hoo. SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS. Firstly, if we disarm, we're not at threat...N.A.T.O have got our backs covered in case of nuclear war. Secondly, Saddam's dead dumb dumb. You could have used Kim Jong Ill, would have been especially effective to use his Team America copy...maybe like a slogan "I'm so Ronery without our Nuclear Defence system." I CAME UP WITH THAT JUST NOW. Who the hell have you got running your poster campaign labour? A monkey with one eye?! (GORDON BROWN REFERENCE!) I am on fire today.
The point is, once you've stopped chortling at all those witticisms, Trident costs a shit load to renew (to put it bluntly, about 12 billion pounds?) and is not worth it. Honestly, if we ever get attacked by nukes, what is the point of attacking back? How selfish would that be? JUST let us die and let the world carry on...don't blow up most of it to retaliate! As Ghandi said, "an eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind." In this case, it makes it cough up its lungs during the nuclear fallout.
ALSO, as a way of saving money, the Liberal Democrats are getting rid of Quangos. For those uninformed, a Quango is a department set up to investigate other departments about how well they're doing. They're not very useful though, despite the good intentions, and just do more harm than good. Like Gordon Brown lololol. (I personally don't mind ol' Gordon, but do vote Lib Dems.) They cost more money, and getting rid of them means more money for you!
As an interlude to all this political jargon and unfunny references, here's a Blur song about Quangos. Also, the title of the blog, as it was the only song that seemed appropriate...
Mr. Robinson's Quango
This money will be used to really help out education, especially ol' student grants for those going to University. For the first time, this seems plausible due to the money being made through these cuts.
Personally, I'll finish here. Lucy and our KS3 candidate (yes, I'm a dick, I don't know his name) made all the points you need to know! You got the main jist about why were awesome by now. If not, then go eat your hands so you can't vote. DO IT. Seriously, it'll be good to see all those who vote next week, both in School and in life? I'll be honest, in terms of the real deal, the best Lib Dems can hope for is a hung parliament, only because of the way the seats work out. But, at least if they get a hung parliament they can do something good!
So, if you hadn't worked it out by now. Vote Lib Dem, because the Tories are rich tossers and Labour have awful posters.
Now go away.
Friday, 23 April 2010
We Are the Champions
Hello all.I am actually in a pickle. I'm not entirely sure what to write about! I know it always seems like I'm talking out my arse but I generally have a point I'm trying to make. Before I decide on what this blog will be about, I thought I'd quickly point out how much of a genius I am. For those who missed my post yesterday, I linked people to an article from the Guardian, written on the 19th April. It compared Nick Clegg, based on persona and popularity with young voters to Obama. Now, readers of this blog will remember that I made this comparisson in my blog last week. Want to check on the date of that blog? Go on, I'll wait...
Right, what's the date of my blog? That's right, April 16th. That means I was first and the Guardian was a close second, sorry national newspaper, beaten by a teenager...and you call yourselves intelligent.
Drum roll please....(just imagine it inside your head you twat.) My blog is going to be about....the Champions League! The title is a Queen song, for those interested. Ok, I realise this will only appeal to a small demographic, but I love it. Even if your team does not compete in the Champion's League, anybody who calls themselves a fan of football enjoys it. It's the stage to show off the best in European football. It's arguably the most exciting football competition to watch. Over the years, the Champions League has had some mighty fine moments in football history. The obvious one for me would be Manchester United's superb win over Bayern Munich in '99 (shame they failed this year.) For those of you are ignorant, this meant United won the Treble that year, a feat never (properly) accomplished in English football.
I want to share a video with you, or maybe two, just so you can truly understand the wonderment behind the beautiful game and this fine competition. Firstly, I want to show you the opening to the Champions League. This may seem odd, but the operatic singing always sends shivers down my spine and makes the feeling of excitement surge through my body.
This is from the 2008 season, and if this doesn't make you want to watch a game of European football, nothing will (and you obviously don't like football.)
Champion's League 2008 Introduction
My second clip (aren't I generous!) is the highlights from that epic final in 1999. Arguably one of the most breathtaking comebacks for a team, perhaps some would say Liverpool in 2005 against AC Milan. Though, I don't count it as that epic as they won on penalties ;) The thing that always makes me smile is the uproar of the commentator...
Manchester United - Bayern Munich Final 1999
"AND Solskjær HAS WON IT!!!" A truly astounding moment. It really proves how exciting football can be.
I understand some of you reading will not have an interest in football. I hope this blog hasn't been too dull for you, but I genuinally believe that anybody should watch a Champion's League final, at least once in their lives. It truly is magical to watch such masters playing the game. The competition itself is in a class of it's own, only the best may qualify.
One thing that does frustrate me, relating to football, is when people criticise how much they get paid. It is true that footballers are vastly overpaid, but I am here to enlighten you as to why. Do you have any idea how much money is in football these days? Teams are bought for millions, even billions of pounds and so much money is poured into each club, be it through promotion, ticket sales, advertisement etc. The players themselves do a job for the club and get their fair share...the only reason they're paid exuberant amounts is because that's their cut of the vast millions already made. So next time you think about joining a group on facebook such as 'Fire-fighters should get more than footballers LOLOL" remember why this won't happen, however much it should, it won't.
I'm not attempting to convert people to liking football, if you don't that's fine. The point of this blog was just to show you something that, not only interests me and that I love, but something that should be appreciated for what it is, even if you don't like football.
I'm going to leave you with fifteen of the best Champion's League goals of all time, (not my opinion) Hopefully, this will help you understand what I mean by real class in this completion, which is rarely seen anywhere else.
15 Goals, Champion's League
I hope you have a good weekend/week. My head hurts so go away.
Right, what's the date of my blog? That's right, April 16th. That means I was first and the Guardian was a close second, sorry national newspaper, beaten by a teenager...and you call yourselves intelligent.
Drum roll please....(just imagine it inside your head you twat.) My blog is going to be about....the Champions League! The title is a Queen song, for those interested. Ok, I realise this will only appeal to a small demographic, but I love it. Even if your team does not compete in the Champion's League, anybody who calls themselves a fan of football enjoys it. It's the stage to show off the best in European football. It's arguably the most exciting football competition to watch. Over the years, the Champions League has had some mighty fine moments in football history. The obvious one for me would be Manchester United's superb win over Bayern Munich in '99 (shame they failed this year.) For those of you are ignorant, this meant United won the Treble that year, a feat never (properly) accomplished in English football.
I want to share a video with you, or maybe two, just so you can truly understand the wonderment behind the beautiful game and this fine competition. Firstly, I want to show you the opening to the Champions League. This may seem odd, but the operatic singing always sends shivers down my spine and makes the feeling of excitement surge through my body.
This is from the 2008 season, and if this doesn't make you want to watch a game of European football, nothing will (and you obviously don't like football.)
Champion's League 2008 Introduction
My second clip (aren't I generous!) is the highlights from that epic final in 1999. Arguably one of the most breathtaking comebacks for a team, perhaps some would say Liverpool in 2005 against AC Milan. Though, I don't count it as that epic as they won on penalties ;) The thing that always makes me smile is the uproar of the commentator...
Manchester United - Bayern Munich Final 1999
"AND Solskjær HAS WON IT!!!" A truly astounding moment. It really proves how exciting football can be.
I understand some of you reading will not have an interest in football. I hope this blog hasn't been too dull for you, but I genuinally believe that anybody should watch a Champion's League final, at least once in their lives. It truly is magical to watch such masters playing the game. The competition itself is in a class of it's own, only the best may qualify.
One thing that does frustrate me, relating to football, is when people criticise how much they get paid. It is true that footballers are vastly overpaid, but I am here to enlighten you as to why. Do you have any idea how much money is in football these days? Teams are bought for millions, even billions of pounds and so much money is poured into each club, be it through promotion, ticket sales, advertisement etc. The players themselves do a job for the club and get their fair share...the only reason they're paid exuberant amounts is because that's their cut of the vast millions already made. So next time you think about joining a group on facebook such as 'Fire-fighters should get more than footballers LOLOL" remember why this won't happen, however much it should, it won't.
I'm not attempting to convert people to liking football, if you don't that's fine. The point of this blog was just to show you something that, not only interests me and that I love, but something that should be appreciated for what it is, even if you don't like football.
I'm going to leave you with fifteen of the best Champion's League goals of all time, (not my opinion) Hopefully, this will help you understand what I mean by real class in this completion, which is rarely seen anywhere else.
15 Goals, Champion's League
I hope you have a good weekend/week. My head hurts so go away.
Friday, 16 April 2010
Immigrant Song
Hello you ruffians, I hope your Easter has been unproductive as mine, despite getting my room (reasonably) tidy. This blog could be about the first debate last night and in general, the General election ;) It won't be though because I'm a moron (and so are you, so even if I did know, I'd be wasting my time ;) ) and don't know enough about all of it. Hell, I even had to have some explain proportional representation, I can hear you guffawing now at that ignorance. All I have to say is, people seem to love ol' Cleggy. He's what the Youths of today want, a young (ish), confident guy who knows how to talk...do you know who I'm immediately reminded of, Obama. But I didn't really like him, he could talk all day, but what were his plans? Anyway, all this proves is my theory that Youths are morons. To be honest, I'll probably end up voting for Clegg myself, but that's just because I'm bored of Labour and fuck off am I ever giving Cameron the time of day (or my vote...)
Moving swiftly on from a topic you or I know nothing about...I will be discussing one 'hot topic' that has come up in this debate. Immigration, a topic which I know a fair bit about and also gives me a cool song to use as the title, i.e. Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. Don't expect a mastery of information, or brilliance concerning all the issues and possible solutions, I'm not a fucking politician. I'm only writing this as it comes to my small brain you dick, so fuck off with any criticisms that are already sprouting in that spongy thing you call a brain.
I suppose the best thing to be would be to say why people think there's a problem, that being the number of immigrants coming in to the country. Now, realistically, I think there is a bit of a problem...we can't sustain all the immigrants we have. Yet, the extremists are always mouthing off, incoherently I might add, about deportation...sure, but why does it have to be the immigrants? How about, we get rid of all those people I deem (that's right, this is my Reich) to be inefficient, whoever they are. Basically, if I think you're a moron, I'll kick you out. This will greatly help as I think almost everybody's a moron. We could even have a talent show, X-Factor style, just to be ironic. (Because only morons compete and watch this show.) You have ten minutes to prove that you have something to offer our faltering nation or I will press my big red button and a giant boot will kick you over to France...all 26 miles of the English Channel. (It's set by the Sea, case I forgot to mention, which I did.) Also, if you're a girl and you think it's good idea to just "flash me" that won't work, because I'll just think your a slag, and do you know what slags are, morons. Bye bye slut, bye bye.
Now I've finished with the visualisation of my great future, we can move back to the real and now. Ok, now we've solved what to do with the numbers, let's think what to do about people coming in... Ok so we have this giant boot... just kidding. Seriously folks, it is a problem, we're only a small nation, and France are dicks about it. They won't take a single immigrant for the most part, and they're twice as big as us. I don't have a plausible way of dealing with this problem, the main point of this blog is just to highlight some of the concerns people seem to have. Ok, let's just list them in a nice format, won't that be lovely?
- Number Coming In, as mentioned a real concern is how many immigrants we are taking in, but in the paragraph above, we've solved this little problem :)
- Number of Jobs for these workers, Don't fret, if we follow my plan, lots of jobs for everyone! However...one thing I do want to say is...
People complain about them doing your jobs...the only people who can legitimately complain are students, most immigrants are doing the toilet cleaning, or the coffee making...fuck off would you do those jobs you twat.
Cultural Changes This is one that does bug me. A lot of immigrants come to this country and expect us to change this back to how their home life used to be...one great example was the Muslim school...look, I'm too stupid and lazy to type it up, just read this article...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/personal-view/4700709/We-must-stop-Muslim-schools-teaching-that-integration-is-a-sin.html
Basically, they don't want their kids knowing stuff on the curriculum...biggest highlight, Shakespeare....hm HELLO, national fucking treasure, if you live here, you will teach and learn about him. It goes against their religion apparently. Probably doesn't help that I'm an Atheist but surely you must understand how ridiculous that is.
And finally, drum roll please, Illegal Immigrants. Bet you were all on the edge of your seats. Yes, this is the big one. The main reason people think there's a problem. And there is. If someone is an illegal immigrant, they get underpaid, boo hoo for them, but also cash in hand, no tax see...tut tut. So essentially you've got a lot of people taking from the system, but not giving anything back...not good is it. Once again, I don't have a bloody solution, I wish I did, but nothing comes to mind that's either funny or genius (though my kicking out policy plan, might just work.)
At the core, we have a problem...follow my programme though, and we won't. O, but do sort out the illegal ones you tits, I do like my services making money. I leave you now with a vaguely related video. The man of ten thousand sound effects, Michael Winslow himself :
Michael Winslow covers Immigrant Song
Hope this was detailed enough for you and amusing enough, that's the only reason I do this, to get confirmation from you that I'm good enough. Enjoy going back to school. I won't. Now go away.
Moving swiftly on from a topic you or I know nothing about...I will be discussing one 'hot topic' that has come up in this debate. Immigration, a topic which I know a fair bit about and also gives me a cool song to use as the title, i.e. Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. Don't expect a mastery of information, or brilliance concerning all the issues and possible solutions, I'm not a fucking politician. I'm only writing this as it comes to my small brain you dick, so fuck off with any criticisms that are already sprouting in that spongy thing you call a brain.
I suppose the best thing to be would be to say why people think there's a problem, that being the number of immigrants coming in to the country. Now, realistically, I think there is a bit of a problem...we can't sustain all the immigrants we have. Yet, the extremists are always mouthing off, incoherently I might add, about deportation...sure, but why does it have to be the immigrants? How about, we get rid of all those people I deem (that's right, this is my Reich) to be inefficient, whoever they are. Basically, if I think you're a moron, I'll kick you out. This will greatly help as I think almost everybody's a moron. We could even have a talent show, X-Factor style, just to be ironic. (Because only morons compete and watch this show.) You have ten minutes to prove that you have something to offer our faltering nation or I will press my big red button and a giant boot will kick you over to France...all 26 miles of the English Channel. (It's set by the Sea, case I forgot to mention, which I did.) Also, if you're a girl and you think it's good idea to just "flash me" that won't work, because I'll just think your a slag, and do you know what slags are, morons. Bye bye slut, bye bye.
Now I've finished with the visualisation of my great future, we can move back to the real and now. Ok, now we've solved what to do with the numbers, let's think what to do about people coming in... Ok so we have this giant boot... just kidding. Seriously folks, it is a problem, we're only a small nation, and France are dicks about it. They won't take a single immigrant for the most part, and they're twice as big as us. I don't have a plausible way of dealing with this problem, the main point of this blog is just to highlight some of the concerns people seem to have. Ok, let's just list them in a nice format, won't that be lovely?
- Number Coming In, as mentioned a real concern is how many immigrants we are taking in, but in the paragraph above, we've solved this little problem :)
- Number of Jobs for these workers, Don't fret, if we follow my plan, lots of jobs for everyone! However...one thing I do want to say is...
People complain about them doing your jobs...the only people who can legitimately complain are students, most immigrants are doing the toilet cleaning, or the coffee making...fuck off would you do those jobs you twat.
Cultural Changes This is one that does bug me. A lot of immigrants come to this country and expect us to change this back to how their home life used to be...one great example was the Muslim school...look, I'm too stupid and lazy to type it up, just read this article...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/personal-view/4700709/We-must-stop-Muslim-schools-teaching-that-integration-is-a-sin.html
Basically, they don't want their kids knowing stuff on the curriculum...biggest highlight, Shakespeare....hm HELLO, national fucking treasure, if you live here, you will teach and learn about him. It goes against their religion apparently. Probably doesn't help that I'm an Atheist but surely you must understand how ridiculous that is.
And finally, drum roll please, Illegal Immigrants. Bet you were all on the edge of your seats. Yes, this is the big one. The main reason people think there's a problem. And there is. If someone is an illegal immigrant, they get underpaid, boo hoo for them, but also cash in hand, no tax see...tut tut. So essentially you've got a lot of people taking from the system, but not giving anything back...not good is it. Once again, I don't have a bloody solution, I wish I did, but nothing comes to mind that's either funny or genius (though my kicking out policy plan, might just work.)
At the core, we have a problem...follow my programme though, and we won't. O, but do sort out the illegal ones you tits, I do like my services making money. I leave you now with a vaguely related video. The man of ten thousand sound effects, Michael Winslow himself :
Michael Winslow covers Immigrant Song
Hope this was detailed enough for you and amusing enough, that's the only reason I do this, to get confirmation from you that I'm good enough. Enjoy going back to school. I won't. Now go away.
Friday, 9 April 2010
Rush Rush
Today class we're going to talk about rushing things. It is almost always a bad idea to rush something and this is what we're going to discuss today. Here are some quick examples of things not to rush, o but do Rush Rush to the yeyo (A Blondie song.) :
- Sex - You went and got her pregnant you dumb fuck because you rushed and forgot to put on a condom! Or perhaps, you did but then you regret shagging her. You rushed losing your virginity, and now you want to cry. Good job champ. I'll bet there's about ten bone-heads who read this and think "Wah, sex is always good!" Wrong...do it slowly and with someone you love you wankstain on the jeans of society.
- Work - I may be the biggest hypocrite when talking about this subject area, but it's true none the less. Work should be done carefully to maximise your potential, or whatever bullshit works for you. But seriously, no point rushing it, chances are it'll be shit, just like that sex you rushed was.
- Eating - Food is something which should never be hurried, it's something a lot of people in the world don't have, so savour it you bastard. Also, you don't want indigestion now do you?
This blog topic probably is already making people's heads reel. Why is he talking about something so mundane? Well, I don't know...it was just a bit of fucking advice. If you don't want it, then hit that big red button in the top right that closes the browser window. I am building up to a big rant about Microsoft. I personally don't really dislike Microsoft, but they do seem to have a habit of rushing into their products. Don't believe me? Let's think about the things Microsoft have spent time developing...
Xbox 360
Put your hand up if you own one of these...of course you do, you wanted the new Call of Duty A.S.A.P and couldn't afford the new Playstation...but wait, for those veterans out there...who had one of the original 360s? Did it break? IT DID? And why was that? They hadn't fixed it completely, and it wasn't entirely ready?! What a surprise...they rushed them out didn't they.
Still not convinced?
Windows Vista
Buggy as shit this was. Why? They rushed it out...It had to go through a bunch of updates and patches before it was usable without someone smashing their fist into the monitor and then taking a shit over next door's fence.
Finally...for those real cynics or should I say hard core lovers of Microsoft, we have...
Microsoft Zune
This, relatively unknown, music device was Microsoft's answer to the I-Pod. I have one, and it works fine thank you very much. However, I have the 2nd Generation. The first one was as glitchy as hell because they rushed it to meet the sales of the I-Pod Nano, or something like that. The point is, this put loads of people of buying it and so sales dropped dramatically.
At this point you're definitely thinking what is the point of this blog...I don't even know. It was just someone was talking about how bad Vista used to be...and it made me think almost all of Microsoft's products are crap for some reason and usually because they rushed it on the production time. I guess the message here is...don't buy Microsoft products! Kidding. Just don't rush through life, I know it's not very long, but chances are you'll regret it.
This wasn't the best of blogs, but it's food for thought. As an added bonus, and for a certain someone who always comments my blogs (what a stalker right? :P ) I am compiling a list of favourites. This won't interest a lot of you, but if you thought I was doing this to interest you then you're a conceded arse hole :D I might add why I like them too, or leave you guessing...
Favourite Actor : John Cusack, I dedicated a blog to the guy...what do you expect? But he's up among many others.
Favourite Actress : The new assistant to Doctor Who. Just kidding, but she is gorgeous. I'm not entirely sure, perhaps Emma Thompson for argument's sake.
Favourite Artist (Musical) : A close call between Blur or Gorillaz, but then they're both Damon Albarn's band.
Favourite Author : Anthony Horowitz, but only because I read him last...
(That was a Perks of Being a Wallflower quote for your interest. Incidentally which is...
Favourite Book : Perks of Being a Wallflower
Favourite Chocolate : Reese's Peanut Butter Cups : Unavailable in this country (Well, not properly.)
Favourite Colour : What do I write my blogs in? That's not my favourite colour ;) Just kidding, I think you SHOULD be able to guess.
Favourite Country : Take a guess ;)
Favourite Director : The Coen Brothers, but once again, only by a margin...up among many, many others.
Favourite Easter Egg : Lindt Chocolate
Favourite Film : I'll just go with The Breakfast Club, but that's only because it's not obvious...I have many.
Favourite Fruit : I AM A BANANA! And by that, I mean, yeah I like Tangerines the best.
Favourite Food : PIZZA...for the win.
Favourite Game : Risk...a damn good board game, I never play enough.
Favourite Joke : One of Nick Chvany's original, see if you can spot the inspiration. "Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven raped his sister." (You kind of had to be there to get why it was so funny...)
Favourite Person : Mira...
Hey don't get fucking offended, none of you ever comment on this blog.
Favourite Song : (Current only) Every Planet We Reach is Dead (Gorillaz.)
Favourite Subject : History
I think I'm done, this blog wasn't the best, but you got to know a little bit more about me and heard some nice advice, ain't it great. I attempted to get every letter of the alphabet for the favourites, but it's surprisingly hard to think up good categories. If you have any more you wish to know...I suggest you bloody ask you twat. Kidding, but wouldn't hurt would it?
Now go away.
- Sex - You went and got her pregnant you dumb fuck because you rushed and forgot to put on a condom! Or perhaps, you did but then you regret shagging her. You rushed losing your virginity, and now you want to cry. Good job champ. I'll bet there's about ten bone-heads who read this and think "Wah, sex is always good!" Wrong...do it slowly and with someone you love you wankstain on the jeans of society.
- Work - I may be the biggest hypocrite when talking about this subject area, but it's true none the less. Work should be done carefully to maximise your potential, or whatever bullshit works for you. But seriously, no point rushing it, chances are it'll be shit, just like that sex you rushed was.
- Eating - Food is something which should never be hurried, it's something a lot of people in the world don't have, so savour it you bastard. Also, you don't want indigestion now do you?
This blog topic probably is already making people's heads reel. Why is he talking about something so mundane? Well, I don't know...it was just a bit of fucking advice. If you don't want it, then hit that big red button in the top right that closes the browser window. I am building up to a big rant about Microsoft. I personally don't really dislike Microsoft, but they do seem to have a habit of rushing into their products. Don't believe me? Let's think about the things Microsoft have spent time developing...
Xbox 360
Put your hand up if you own one of these...of course you do, you wanted the new Call of Duty A.S.A.P and couldn't afford the new Playstation...but wait, for those veterans out there...who had one of the original 360s? Did it break? IT DID? And why was that? They hadn't fixed it completely, and it wasn't entirely ready?! What a surprise...they rushed them out didn't they.
Still not convinced?
Windows Vista
Buggy as shit this was. Why? They rushed it out...It had to go through a bunch of updates and patches before it was usable without someone smashing their fist into the monitor and then taking a shit over next door's fence.
Finally...for those real cynics or should I say hard core lovers of Microsoft, we have...
Microsoft Zune
This, relatively unknown, music device was Microsoft's answer to the I-Pod. I have one, and it works fine thank you very much. However, I have the 2nd Generation. The first one was as glitchy as hell because they rushed it to meet the sales of the I-Pod Nano, or something like that. The point is, this put loads of people of buying it and so sales dropped dramatically.
At this point you're definitely thinking what is the point of this blog...I don't even know. It was just someone was talking about how bad Vista used to be...and it made me think almost all of Microsoft's products are crap for some reason and usually because they rushed it on the production time. I guess the message here is...don't buy Microsoft products! Kidding. Just don't rush through life, I know it's not very long, but chances are you'll regret it.
This wasn't the best of blogs, but it's food for thought. As an added bonus, and for a certain someone who always comments my blogs (what a stalker right? :P ) I am compiling a list of favourites. This won't interest a lot of you, but if you thought I was doing this to interest you then you're a conceded arse hole :D I might add why I like them too, or leave you guessing...
Favourite Actor : John Cusack, I dedicated a blog to the guy...what do you expect? But he's up among many others.
Favourite Actress : The new assistant to Doctor Who. Just kidding, but she is gorgeous. I'm not entirely sure, perhaps Emma Thompson for argument's sake.
Favourite Artist (Musical) : A close call between Blur or Gorillaz, but then they're both Damon Albarn's band.
Favourite Author : Anthony Horowitz, but only because I read him last...
(That was a Perks of Being a Wallflower quote for your interest. Incidentally which is...
Favourite Book : Perks of Being a Wallflower
Favourite Chocolate : Reese's Peanut Butter Cups : Unavailable in this country (Well, not properly.)
Favourite Colour : What do I write my blogs in? That's not my favourite colour ;) Just kidding, I think you SHOULD be able to guess.
Favourite Country : Take a guess ;)
Favourite Director : The Coen Brothers, but once again, only by a margin...up among many, many others.
Favourite Easter Egg : Lindt Chocolate
Favourite Film : I'll just go with The Breakfast Club, but that's only because it's not obvious...I have many.
Favourite Fruit : I AM A BANANA! And by that, I mean, yeah I like Tangerines the best.
Favourite Food : PIZZA...for the win.
Favourite Game : Risk...a damn good board game, I never play enough.
Favourite Joke : One of Nick Chvany's original, see if you can spot the inspiration. "Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven raped his sister." (You kind of had to be there to get why it was so funny...)
Favourite Person : Mira...
Hey don't get fucking offended, none of you ever comment on this blog.
Favourite Song : (Current only) Every Planet We Reach is Dead (Gorillaz.)
Favourite Subject : History
I think I'm done, this blog wasn't the best, but you got to know a little bit more about me and heard some nice advice, ain't it great. I attempted to get every letter of the alphabet for the favourites, but it's surprisingly hard to think up good categories. If you have any more you wish to know...I suggest you bloody ask you twat. Kidding, but wouldn't hurt would it?
Now go away.
Saturday, 3 April 2010
TV Casualty
Yeah, yeah, I know it's a day late but shut up. I don't pander to your wishes. If I did, I'd write about stupid crap like how hot Robert Pattinson is or how sad it was that Peter Andre broke up with Jordan, or how brilliant Skins is. Well, you lucky readers, because I'm writing on a Saturday instead of a Friday, I shall grant your wishes. This blog is going to be focused on Skins. BUT, not to praise it. Goodness no, it's a load of bollocks, it's a TV Casualty no doubt, (a song by The Misfits by the way.) The reason for this sudden desire to spew bile all over it was because of work last night. Work is also the reason I was late with this blog, I worked Thursday night and yesterday and I'm working tonight and Sunday...I'm a little tired to say the least.
Anyway, moving swiftly on from what you don't care about. At work, I met 'Thomas' and 'Emily' from Skins. I bet some of you would give your right arm to have this opportunity. I personally was not bothered at all...I thought it was a little ridiculous how much people screamed when they came on stage. They're just people for goodness sake. I don't like them, but not because of who they are...it's what the represent. Our music and television culture went down the drain about five years ago. Off-topic, look at Justin Bieber, who the fuck is this kid? I don't know, but get the hell off my radio you absolute wank stain.
I was completely honest when I met Emily and Thomas. "So do you watch the show?" "Nope." "O..right..well have you ever seen any episodes" "Yep, I thought it was a bit shit." "O..." End of conversation. Now, some of you might think I'm being a bastard, but I'm hardly about to arse-kiss people who I have no interest in.
To be fair to them, to draw away from my cynical side, they were very lovely people, even if Thomas does sound a big like a massive girl. You probably are sitting here thinking I'm only complaining because I'm jealous of them...I'm really not. Skins is a show that epitomises the 'Youth Culture.' "But James, YOUR part of the Youth Culture!" I know I am, doesn't mean I have to actively join in...ok, let me show this to you...I think it was the very first trailer they did for the show...it probably isn't actually, but then I don't give a shit do I? Just watch it.
Skins Trailer
The guy who posted it, and I quote "I saw this and I decided that i'm gonna have a party like this. Looks like so much fun!"
No, no it doesn't. It looks like a fucking nightmare. I'm not the neatest person in the world, but how is that fun? Your house would be a gigantic shit hole. Even during the night I can't imagine having fun. Getting naked and sweaty and really drunk is not my idea of fun. I wonder how many STD's were spread that night? Now, I'm not a complete tosser, I can have fun, but god's sake, don't act like a moron. I know the show doesn't officially promote this kind of behaviour, but idiots...i.e. most of the British teen population watch this show and think "OO YEAH LET'S DO THAT!" Well no, please don't....you're just wasting your life...your having fun now, but for fuck sake it's not helping anyone.
I realise how old I sound, like an old man yelling at kids to quieten down. Go, fuck yourselves over, see if I care...but the point is I still don't like it and I will actively complain about it. This blog will make you hate me probably, but chances are you didn't like me much to begin with. At least I'm doing something with my life...to help people out.
I suppose part of my hatred is also I'm that guy who gets 'virgin' drawn on his head. I'm not good with women, and I will probably never get laid. If that's the reason behind my hatred, then so be it, at least I can actively be hostile to the degenerates who act like those twats in that trailer and even worse the people who copy them.
I know most of this hasn't been about Skins. To be honest, I hear it's well written and a good drama...I'm sure it is. But it doesn't mean we should be influenced by it! If you saw a serial drama about TV rapists, would you rub your hands together and think "Phwoar, that looks like a bit of fun!" No of course not, it's just this active party life has become part of our society, and surprisingly it's a problem for a lot of things we have to live with. I'll name some for you, to save your brain doing the thinking.
STDS - Random sex with people at house parties will definitely get you one of these.
Teen Pregnancy - You were too drunk to use a condom...
ASBOs - Leaving the party and being so drunk you start on some random individual who deserved nothing at all.
Women's rights taking a giant step back - Women, in music videos and television get attention through one thing - sex appeal. You want to act like a slut? Go for it, but don't expect me to give you any respect.
Personal Injury - Chances are, if you're drunk, you'll hurt yourself in some way...and won't even remember how you did it.
There's loads more, but trust me, it would take a whole other blog to go into that.
I think I'm going to finish this here. This topic is making me so angry I can barely type coherently. If you managed to keep up, good job. I don't care any more, I have work again tonight as you know, and I'm hungry. To sum up, Skins isn't really shit, it's what it makes people do...and if your one of these people, put down that drink, take a girl you like and just dance close with her. Don't grind you twat, and keep your hand off her ass you wanker. O...and while doing all of this, listen to Gorillaz. It's not exactly dance music...but it absolutely buttrapes Justin Bieber in terms of quality.
Now go away.
Anyway, moving swiftly on from what you don't care about. At work, I met 'Thomas' and 'Emily' from Skins. I bet some of you would give your right arm to have this opportunity. I personally was not bothered at all...I thought it was a little ridiculous how much people screamed when they came on stage. They're just people for goodness sake. I don't like them, but not because of who they are...it's what the represent. Our music and television culture went down the drain about five years ago. Off-topic, look at Justin Bieber, who the fuck is this kid? I don't know, but get the hell off my radio you absolute wank stain.
I was completely honest when I met Emily and Thomas. "So do you watch the show?" "Nope." "O..right..well have you ever seen any episodes" "Yep, I thought it was a bit shit." "O..." End of conversation. Now, some of you might think I'm being a bastard, but I'm hardly about to arse-kiss people who I have no interest in.
To be fair to them, to draw away from my cynical side, they were very lovely people, even if Thomas does sound a big like a massive girl. You probably are sitting here thinking I'm only complaining because I'm jealous of them...I'm really not. Skins is a show that epitomises the 'Youth Culture.' "But James, YOUR part of the Youth Culture!" I know I am, doesn't mean I have to actively join in...ok, let me show this to you...I think it was the very first trailer they did for the show...it probably isn't actually, but then I don't give a shit do I? Just watch it.
Skins Trailer
The guy who posted it, and I quote "I saw this and I decided that i'm gonna have a party like this. Looks like so much fun!"
No, no it doesn't. It looks like a fucking nightmare. I'm not the neatest person in the world, but how is that fun? Your house would be a gigantic shit hole. Even during the night I can't imagine having fun. Getting naked and sweaty and really drunk is not my idea of fun. I wonder how many STD's were spread that night? Now, I'm not a complete tosser, I can have fun, but god's sake, don't act like a moron. I know the show doesn't officially promote this kind of behaviour, but idiots...i.e. most of the British teen population watch this show and think "OO YEAH LET'S DO THAT!" Well no, please don't....you're just wasting your life...your having fun now, but for fuck sake it's not helping anyone.
I realise how old I sound, like an old man yelling at kids to quieten down. Go, fuck yourselves over, see if I care...but the point is I still don't like it and I will actively complain about it. This blog will make you hate me probably, but chances are you didn't like me much to begin with. At least I'm doing something with my life...to help people out.
I suppose part of my hatred is also I'm that guy who gets 'virgin' drawn on his head. I'm not good with women, and I will probably never get laid. If that's the reason behind my hatred, then so be it, at least I can actively be hostile to the degenerates who act like those twats in that trailer and even worse the people who copy them.
I know most of this hasn't been about Skins. To be honest, I hear it's well written and a good drama...I'm sure it is. But it doesn't mean we should be influenced by it! If you saw a serial drama about TV rapists, would you rub your hands together and think "Phwoar, that looks like a bit of fun!" No of course not, it's just this active party life has become part of our society, and surprisingly it's a problem for a lot of things we have to live with. I'll name some for you, to save your brain doing the thinking.
STDS - Random sex with people at house parties will definitely get you one of these.
Teen Pregnancy - You were too drunk to use a condom...
ASBOs - Leaving the party and being so drunk you start on some random individual who deserved nothing at all.
Women's rights taking a giant step back - Women, in music videos and television get attention through one thing - sex appeal. You want to act like a slut? Go for it, but don't expect me to give you any respect.
Personal Injury - Chances are, if you're drunk, you'll hurt yourself in some way...and won't even remember how you did it.
There's loads more, but trust me, it would take a whole other blog to go into that.
I think I'm going to finish this here. This topic is making me so angry I can barely type coherently. If you managed to keep up, good job. I don't care any more, I have work again tonight as you know, and I'm hungry. To sum up, Skins isn't really shit, it's what it makes people do...and if your one of these people, put down that drink, take a girl you like and just dance close with her. Don't grind you twat, and keep your hand off her ass you wanker. O...and while doing all of this, listen to Gorillaz. It's not exactly dance music...but it absolutely buttrapes Justin Bieber in terms of quality.
Now go away.
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