Hello all you single people. I don't mean in a without a significant other. I just mean you as individuals. Yet it was Valentines Day last Sunday. I hope you've all had a really good half term, except those who went on the Cultural Visit. I couldn't go due to lack of funds, so I thought I'd be spiteful. How do you like them apples? I was going to try another "chirpy" blog but I needed to get down a good old rant about one of the most abysmal television shows I have ever seen. It also coincides quite nicely as this show is about dating (valentine's day eh? I do all this thinking and planning for you guys.) Another bonus (if you can call it that considering how dire the show was) is it shares the same name as a song by Franz Ferdinand that I quite like. Saves me time hunting around for a suitable title for the blog.
The basic premise is this. You take one single, desperate guy and place him in front of thirty equally desperate women. It consists of three rounds in which the women decide if they want to date him. How do they decide? I hear you ask, dying to know. Well, they just have a button and they press it if they don't like him...simple and a stupid idea and that's what ITV do so well. The first round is purely based on what the men look like and how they enter the room from an unnecessary lift. What happened to the old walking through some doors? I understand how good first impressions are, but frankly, it's absurd to judge someone like that when referring to dating. One word I'll be overusing is degrading. That's what the whole show is. If you went on it, just imagine how awful you'd feel if you came away with absolutely nothing..., and it would already add to your low confidence from being single.
One guy, who was basically a cheap version of Spike from Buffy, got zilch. They all turned their lights off after two rounds. He was a bit of a prick but I mean, even the fat chick turned her light off...you know things are bad when fat people don't fancy you. I'm being ironic of course. Looks can matter, but they should never be a deciding factor. I'm going to slip in a Martin Luther King quote, that's almost relevent. "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. " The second and third round aren't as judgemental....well they are, but at least it's on a basis of something. They alternate between the rounds, either it being show off a talent and then we'll watch a video of people saying why you're amazing or vice versa with the video first. I feel pity for these men being rejected but then again, when one of them had the talent of impersonating Tom Cruise you know all hope is lost.
The talent section is a problem in itself. Talents are cool, but it's rare a woman will be turned on by the many talents we all have. My main talent is either my knowledge of films or my reading of any monologue from a dramatic piece of work. "O yea baby, that makes me hot." The only time they'll say that is if they're mocking me in a sarcastic tone. Basically, you're not going to meet many guys who can win a woman over with a thirty second talent. Unless of course it's pulling down their trousers and saying "good enough?" Try that next time you're in a bar, it might just work.
The video round isn't great either. Sometimes your friends/family will say things that are meant with good intention but make you look like a prat. One bloke's mother openly admitted "he's a bit of a mummy's boy." She probably meant he is kind and caring of his mother, a very good virtue. To thick people, i.e. those on the show, it sounds like she's saying he relies on her to do stuff for him and is a bit of a pussy. Not an admirable quality by anyone's standards.
At the end the women with their lights left on are the ones left to be chosen by the guy and he can only have one. This is where the degradation flips round. The final guy on the one and only episode I watched had about ten women left. He had to first narrow it down to two. And if that wasn't bad enough, he then picks between the two. They all cheer and boo and try and win him over, it's an entertainment show innit? But deep down, those women are crying at once again not being picked over. I did call them desperate but in that moment I wanted to take all those women out to dinner, just to make them feel special and loved. Everyone needs love.
The show seems to deliberately set itself up to fail. All those rounds are no way to ever judge whether or not you want to date someone. It's quite one sided, i.e. why are there no single women to choose between thirty guys? Patrick McGuinness clearly thinks all one big joke and doesn't take it too seriously at all. He also always says "Last week, we set up ____ (girl's name here) and a prick (well it's a guy...but they're almost all pricks...why they're still single!) let's see how they got on!" Then it has a lovely story of their date but how they've decided to not date again. Apparently they don't click and there's no chemistry. What a surprise. Admittedly, one in five may work out, but is that great statistics on a show who's only goal is to match people up? I don't think so.
I want to end with a story with a message, completely unrelated. It's not a good story, and the message may make you want to poke your eyes out, but this is my blog so I'll write whatever I want ok bud? I tidied my room this half term. During the process I discovered numerous revision books and revision cards and other help sheets. I also found a number of old toys or books and it made me realise what a bastard I am. I'm not being comical here or looking for sympathy. I really am a bastard. The amount my family (including my grandparents etc.) have done in order to help me pass my various exams and in general to make me happy. At the core of it, I've always got by on a wing and a prayer. I have never ever used this help and never appreciated it either. I always argue and joke and pretend I'm going to be fine. But unless I sort it out, I won't be. So next time your parents demand you do that essay or ask you what homework you have this weekend, don't be a bastard. Turn and help them out, and in turn you'll be helping yourself. I don't want to sound too cliched, but your parents are doing it all for your own good. And they know a lot more than you, mine certainly do. They also will love you unconditionally. Nobody else will give you that. So don't be a bastard, change today ok?
I think that's it for this week. I'm afraid I don't have a suitable video. I was going to give you a clip from the show, but I don't want that shit in my blog. I gave you a quote so stop whining. I'm off to the pub soon, and then Footloose is on Film 4 in celebration of the eighties. I think you should all watch it, it's Kevin Bacon and dancing. What more can you want?
Now go away.
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