Not Fair

Today's topic will be one that may cause you to shift uncomfortably in your seat. I'm going to be discussing sex! :O I can hear you gasping and covering your mouths from here. Don't worry your pretty little head, it's not about what sex is like...I'm clearly a virgin, have you noticed how many masturbation jokes I make in these blog posts? Not good at all! This particular idea was by a girl I've met recently called Emmie, who is lovely by the way...and it was a very good idea. Also, just like my blog about Vegetarianism, it saves the trouble of thinking up a song for the title. The titular song being is 'Not Fair' by Lily Allen and those who have heard it will be aware of what it's about. For those who haven't heard it, or those too thick to work out the song's blatant meaning, it's about a guy who is amazing in every way except when he's in bed. I'll let Lily sing it herself so those who haven't heard it can understand what I'm on about...


Not Fair - Lily Allen


For those still confused...this blog will be about which is more important, sex or the person's nature? Many of you, like me, will say the person's nature. It should be without question right? But what if the sex is awful...women I'm looking at you really. Let's face it, men could enjoy sex with a cardboard box if it was lubricated enough. If the sex is rubbish, will you want to sleep with that same person for life (assuming you get married?) No, of course not. If the sex is bad, and you're already married...you might resort to cheating. I know most of you wouldn't, but I'll bet one of you is thinking of sleeping with someone else...you absolute bastard. I would never cheat, sex isn't that important, and never should...but let's think about this rationally for a second. 


Sex, to me at least, is about trust. I will not sleep with anyone I don't trust completely. You need to trust them not to laugh if you make a mistake, or not to say "Is that it?". You need to be sure they won't go and tell their friends, even if they're telling them you're great...it's a breach of trust. Sex is personal to you and your partner alone. If you come up to me and try to tell me you've finally had sex with your girlfriend/boyfriend I will personally slap you. (though the latter isn't normally a problem, girls generally have more common sense regarding this subject.) 


Sex has certainly had an image shift over the last fifty years. It used to be taboo to talk about, you only did it within marriage (officially) and it was never on television. Then the whole 'free love' hit the history books and STIs began spreading like wild fire. I'm kidding of course, but sex is now viewed as something it should be...a natural thing between two people. (Notice I said people, homosexuality is just as natural as us you narrow minded person!) 


However, I don't think that means sex should be talked about freely. I don't care who you sleep with, how many people or when you did it. I'm not a prude and I'm happy talking about sex, but unless I completely trust you I wouldn't even tell you if I'd lost my virginity. I may have lost it already ('Ha!' I hear you say again) but you wouldn't know because it's none of your damn business. I've only asked about someone's sex life once and it was only because they were ready to share... I certainly didn't pester them. I sometimes am asked if certain people have had sex, and that pisses me right off. Unless they have a threesome involving me, I'm not going to know am I you moron? Even if I did know, it's still not your god damned business! Jeez, get a life and watch Newsnight instead of thinking about other people having sex, you perverse weirdo. 


Argh, this is a topic that angers me so I've lost myself a little. Referring back to the song, if you find a man or woman who cares about you so much, is it so important that the sex is amazing? Of course not, but at the same time I would say that the sex should be enjoyable. I believe you connect with someone in a physical way, and if you have great sex with someone you love and trust...it becomes making love. This is the vital difference between some person you've met at a club, and that wonderful person you've been with and trust. The sex then becomes making love and means a whole lot more. Although it may seem obvious that the emotional bond is more important than sex, I don't think it's unfair to say that if the sex is awful, it makes the relationship hard. But trust me, if that person is right for you, the sex should be good as well, I guess that's how you know. To understand this last point easily, as I'm crap at explaining myself, read 'How to be Good' by Nick Hornby. (It's not a sex book if that's what you think.) It's just about a woman who cheats on her husband, and it doesn't feel natural. She doesn't think she loves her husband (hence why she cheats), but realises the sex with him just felt...right. Hopefully you can have that bond and the good sex with someone one day, and if your sex life with that special someone is good already, I don't want to know ;) 


Now go away.