Friday, 27 August 2010

Somebody to Love

You sit there, reading this mediocre piece of work and you have a little giggle with your friends and family over how terrible it is. Yet, what if they weren't there? What if you had nobody to chuckle with? Have you ever taken a thought out of your day to think about those who are alone and sad? I am writing about this particular subject due to a couple of things in my life that have affected me. I also get to use a Queen song, so I can draw more people in, being so ego maniacal, and after all who doesn't like Queen? Well, me actually. You know I avoid popular things like the plague! That's why I didn't watch Skins (sorry Emmie!), that's why I don't listen to Scouting for Girls and that's why you'll never catch me at Reading (even if Mumford & Sons are playing this year!). Yes, the only popular thing I've done in the last twenty years that is the bane of my existence is go on facebook, and that was shockingly bad, thus proving that once again I am right and popular things are worse than chlamydia. 


In all seriousness folks, there have been recent events that made me feel alone (and not just because my parents went away for that week) and lost. I won't go into too much detail because it's not the appropriate place...and I don't know who reads this. I know of a man who can't walk any more. He sits in bed all day and his dutiful, wonderful wife looks after him...despite it being the hardest job she's ever had to do (and she used to be a teacher). He is a proud man, and loved his independence. When he was put into military service after the Second World War, he hated every second because he likes doing things his own way. To visit this man is one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. I can't even express myself to him without breaking down into tears, and the mere thought of him not being to have this independence causes me to cry. Shame I don't act any more, I could use it on stage to make me cry! (A little light humour.) He deserves someone more than most, and he does have his wife but he can't have that life he needs or wants and that tears me up. 


The point is, it's one of the many things about being young that we take for granted. Admittedly, not everyone has someone in their lives, but most do...all those reading this blog will. I'm planning to volunteer soon at a retirement home, which brings me to the other reason I'm writing a more sombre piece. I was watching Young, Dumb and Living off Mum, and they visited a retirement home. This will sound like I'm saying the exact same thing, so I'll use this video to make my point... I'm a bit too upset to type for the moment.


Young, Dumb


Watch from about 9 minutes in to get to the part which makes my point, or just watch the whole clip. 


That clip made me think of the aforementioned man and how awful it must be to have nobody there for you... By this point, you may not even understand why I'm writing this. I'm not saying go out and look after the people in this blog (or people in their situation.) You can't be expected to always take time out for other people. Please though, start to value your happiness, your independence and your availability of friends and family, they may not be there forever. I only am starting to, and it shocks me that it's taken me this long. So, please, just think about those who need somebody and be damn thankful you have someone yourself... 


This was the hardest blog I've had to write...as I wanted to deal with things in a sensitive nature because I'm being completely serious, no crude jokes, no insults...and so in the nicest way possible,


Go away. 

Friday, 20 August 2010

Rudie Can't Fail

The results are in and if you got into that special place you desperately wanted then well done to you! If not, don't fret I'm sure you'll be fine...yet that won't make you happy will it. Yes, all across the country (especially with the cuts in places) more and more people are disappointed. Many will turn to you and sneer and ask "Did you do as much work as you could have?" I'm sure you did. What if, the problem isn't you. What if it's the SYSTEM? Now, without sounding too paranoid like a pot-head who's been blowing too long "They're out to get me man!" I genuinely think this country needs to take a serious look at how it deals with University places and grades too.  There's a number of parts to this issue, and I may not address them all as I'm just typing as I think them...so forgive me if you feel any problem is left untouched.


Without delving too much into how I did, all I know is I most likely won't get into the University I wanted to go, though I have other choices available...not bad ones either. However, my first choice may be available if I have a great personal statement and interview (if they bother to interview me.) Surely by meeting me they can tell if I'm a good student or not, or better still, is this man a moron? Well no, ladies and gentlemen I am not a moron by any means. This should stand me in better stead? But no, because I managed to only conjure up enough UCAS points that just fall short, in their eyes, I'm no good. 


This is another problem, especially concerning medicine. Without mentioning names, people who are clearly idiots in life and would be terrible doctors are being chosen over those just because grades are better. Guess what? Grades don't mean everything! They are the only way we have of measuring people's intelligence and frankly it's bollocks. I'm not suggesting we scrap grades and exams all together, but we need to allow more room for people to show how much common sense they have or how they are as a person, because what would you rather have? A friendly doctor who knows most things but makes the odd mistake, therefore he's human, or a cold man who tells you straight exactly what's wrong without any emotion or care. I know what I'd pick.


I'm being biased of course, but I think it's a fair point, a person's personality always works in job interviews and University is about personality...I'm a guy who loves to answer questions and is ready to learn. So I don't do as well at the written parts (partly due to my style and partly due to effort) I am intelligent enough to take it in. Ask me anything about Kant or why Elizabeth chose to invade France or about the style of Artaud or what kind of novel The Color Purple is or even why people chose to vote for the Tories in this election, I could mostly tell you off the top of my head and in a coherent and friendly manner. I am an intelligent being, as our most people, yet our chances to prove it are down to one thing and one exam which isn't even necessarily marked properly. 


Our teachers are no help, they don't even know what marks we need to get certain grades or what the paper is out of (they give us a rough idea, but there are some cases where they have been wrong.) Once again, not naming names, some people managed to score higher than others despite obviously being idiots in life. They can't spell nor is their grammar of a good standard yet they managed to wow the examiner because they know more stuff....well done them. 


University's don't even seem content with giving places when you basically have the grades. They don't want two A* and a B if the Bs in your chosen subject. No, forget that A* are fucking hard to get, you didn't do well enough in one subject, yet clearly you're intelligent. Though that does scratch my rant about intelligence being more than just grades. Yet it shows an obvious willingness to work, which I have plenty of given the right motivation. It is impossible to consider all the factors but perhaps I'm sick of the subject content, perhaps the teacher was awful, perhaps I was really ill the day of the exam, perhaps someone died who I was very close to...


University's need to realise we are human, not working machines. Some of us are clearly bright and able and some aren't. We can prove this in a number of ways, through interviews or experience or references. Why must it all be so heavily focused on these damn exams which pressure us so much we feel we could explode and aren't always fair. I know many people hate hearing me mention it, but in America you can choose what area of history (for example) you can study, or literature or maths. You can choose what you want. That's a start. I'm not trying to lay all the blame on the system, but I think I'd have found it a damned sight easier if I gave a shit about the Reformation of the Church. S0me say you should just get on with it, as you chose to do history/philosophy or whatever...but then University is about choice, from the degree to the aspects within that degree...so don't talk to me about choice bucko. It's a natural thing to work harder when we enjoy that work...if we hate it then we'll see it as a chore. 


UCAS in general are fucking wank. What's with the points any how? I have 300, I need 320 for Kent. But that's with my A in English Literature at AS. Does that count? For some it may, for some it may not. What the fucks up with that? Make up your mind, do AS's mean a damn (if not, why take four) and if they do then make people feel they still should be happy with the subject they dropped. Many just drop the one they got the lowest grade in, rather than re-taking or looking at it again. Put priority on it! 


The point is, the system fucks people over more than it does them good. We need to revamp it so Rudie Can't Fail (A Song by the Clash.) Even those with a place probably felt screwed in some way. How would you feel if you got an offer lowered? Clearly the Uni doesn't do very well and needs you. We can't focus so much on grades or points but as I've said, I'm not a politician, I'm a man with an angry blog. People are fundamentally competent or incompetent, obnoxious or wonderful, motivated or lazy. So many things can affect us that why should our entire future be decided by one or two exams, especially when the other things we should examine may be more important. I want to be a teacher, (roll out the arrogance) I'm funny, intelligent, friendly, engaging and think I'd be fantastic (especially teaching American History, a subject I love.) But due to one poxy set of results, according to the State, I'm about as average as the rest of them...and that makes me hate myself more than I hate them.


Now go away.

Friday, 13 August 2010

Peaches

I've just got back from my holiday and I thought as a special treat for you, I'd do a blog about the British keen attitude towards beaches. It is something which I share, yet still confuses me in equal measure. My holiday was great by the way, thanks for asking you pricks. ;)  I even managed to keep my American blog up to date (http://wallijunclesam.wordpress.com/). I was going to use the song 'Seaside' by the Kooks but the lyrics are crap, the tune is bollocks and I don't like them as a band in general. The lead singer (could google his name, but that'd take time) sings like a disabled child. A little harsh? I don't think so. Instead, I'm using 'Peaches' by The Stranglers which is about going to the beach and checking out women. 


The beach is a lovely place to go, families, couples, grandparents and grand kids...it suits all! It's like a magic glove. Yet, you have to admit...it's odd why we love them so. Most beaches aren't exactly full sand, clear and sparkling. So why is it that we can't wait to go down and lay in the sun? Instead of smooth sands, we get pepples. The ocean has seaweed and is either rough or terribly cold. Yet this is what we want. We don't want perfection, we want our holidays to be like this...so we can shiver and then get all sandy, get home and say "Shall we go again next year?" 


Now, I realise more people are going to bloody Spain and Portugal and not sticking to classic Devon or Cornwall...but people still want the British beach. It's not just the beach either, it's all the add-ons. Have you been to a good pier recently? There's also the amusement parks on the sea front and the arcades. Everything is overpriced, terrible value, yet we still go and waste our money. We are a strange nation! Even I can't resist putting a 50p piece in, getting that equivalent in 2p and spending on the little machines where you try and push the 2p forward to drop and thus earn more. I once managed to have 17 drop...I felt so rich. It's 34p?! What are you genuinely going to do with 34p? Buy 34 1p sweets I suppose. 


The only real reason you might want to go the beach is for the fish and chips, which is at least ten times better by the coast. I had some famous one in Adleburgh ;) and it is much better. However, we really love the other parts of a traditional day trip/holiday to the beach despite how gaudy and awful they obviously are. I mean, does anyone actually enjoy crazy golf? Of course not, it's all part of the culture and I've come up with a theory. Yes another one that may blow your mind. 


I came up with this idea after reading one Calvin and Hobbe's strip. Calvin asks his dad why they never go on cruises and go camping in the rain. Calvin's dad grins and replies "We go on awful breaks so that the rest of the year seems like a vacation." Is that it England? Do we subject ourselves to stony beaches, rough seas, overpriced and rubbish tat so that our normal lives seem great in comparison? Personally, I really hope not. I want us to have this connection because the enjoyment I talk of is real...because I still do enjoy them (though it is nice to get home!) 


This is a late blog (and short), apologies, I'm just going to get it posted in time. Internet has been terrible all day and I wasn't entirely happy with my original concept. I hope you didn't miss me too much and that you, like me, can honestly say you love the beaches (and the peaches) and aren't just doing it so that shit pit you call home seems marginally okay. 


Now go away. 

Friday, 6 August 2010

Meat is Murder

Put that down! Yes I'm talking to you fatty, don't you dare take another bite of that poor animal! Now, this blog is a little different. If you haven't guessed what I'm going to discuss with myself is the evils of meat-eating! (It's a discussion with myself as you can't share your opinion, because firstly, it's a blog not a conversation and second, I don't care what you think.) Now, before you laugh at the blatant hypocrisy, I will point out this is why the blog is a little different. For once, despite my usual surly, opinionated nature, I am going to offer a perspective, one which I don't agree with, but we must be more open-minded! I wanted to put this point of view forward because someone I care very much about is vegetarian. Plus, it was piss easy to pick a song title. Morrissey being the angry advocate of not eating meat wrote a whole song about it when he in The Smiths! 


I don't know about you, but I've never really considered being a vegetarian. I really do quite love bacon sandwiches and a full English breakfast is cracking. I've also thought "If I don't eat meat, the animals will still die, so why bother?" But that's not the point is it. An odd analogy but it's like the Liberal Democrats. "I don't vote for them, because they'll never get in" If everyone who said that voted Lib Dem, they'd have a damn good chance, just like if everyone ate their carrots and not the poor little piggy, they'd be less demand and more animals would be saved...yay! :D 


That moves me onto the next point. We'll eat the meat, but when you think about what it is, do we not feel cruel? I'm sure many of you have been to a farm. Aww, look at the cute little piggy (See 'Babe' the film)! Would you kill it while it looks up at you? Goodness no...you're not a sadist! Yet, you're happy to let someone else kill it and serve it to you...god we're bastards aren't we? How did they serve it to you? They cooked it. People say it's natural to eat animals, life cycle, chain etc. Wrong. If we didn't cook the meat or add spices and tenderise it, what would happen? We'd die. Lions, tigers and other carnivores can just hunt and eat. They can't turn around and say "Ooo, I fancy letting that animal live." We can. 


In fairness, a lot of farmer's money is made from killing and selling of meat...so we'd be putting them out of business if we all only ate vegetables. My counterargument to this point would be that it's arrogant to make money off of other animals suffering. We banned slavery for being immoral, how is killing an innocent animal and then selling it for profit any less immoral? 


I'm not going to press this issue to hard. I'm just making people aware at how flawed the meat-eater's argument is. As I eat meat myself, my only sham defence is "I love the taste." But as we've covered, it only is like that because we cook it properly. Raw bacon sandwiches would be disgusting and unhealthy. I admire Vegetarians. They take the stand against a society that mocks them, and however you look at it, they always have the moral high ground. The only way we can take a slightly moral road is by ensuring we buy free-range and organic eggs and food, so the chickens aren't polluted with chemicals and they can have a free, happy life before the sad fate that awaits them... 


Talking of being moral, pet-owners who eat meat are the worse! (Me.) Would I eat my cats or guinea pigs? Nope, it's not culturally acceptable. Yet, if I was in Korea or South America, it would be expected. Am I more moral because I choose not to eat domesticated pets? No, people think they are but really they're just discriminating. You should either eat all animals or none! I'm kidding. Just realise that argument doesn't make you a better person, it's only because your English that eating a pig is okay. Some countries would shoot you for that insolence! 


I mentioned free-range eggs and although vegetarians don't have a problem eating them, vegans do. This is a group that can definitely fuck off. I'm not even going to offer their point of view, it's far too extreme. You can live perfectly healthily as a vegetarian, but being a vegan is moronic. They don't eat anything other than nuts and some nice lentil curry. The human body needs protein, and nutrition and calcium which vegetarians can easily get. Vegans find it hard to fulfil the bodies needs. There's being ethical, but you have to draw the line if it's killing you and I don't think that's too unfair. Big deal if cheese was made at the expense of animals, I need my damn calcium! 


Essentially, meat eaters can't win. We are bad people and animals are lovely. The only possible thing I can argue is that if we didn't eat these animals, they'd overpopulate, but I can't guarantee that. Anyway, what would you rather have? More animals who make funny noises and sniffle at you in an adorable way? Or less but the odd pang of a guilt trip when you think what you've just eaten had a life! If you want to get philosophical about it, animals aren't beings who think and have emotions like humans do, but they do feel pain and they do mate which suggests we should allow them to live their life and not slaughter them mercilessly for our own greedy, fatty stomachs. Being the evil man I am, I'm about to have dinner of bacon and sausages. Hey, don't look at me like that! I said it wasn't my view! But do consider the vegetarian argument and the next time someone says they are one, don't scoff at them and look at them in a patronising manner, I know you do! Just, think about those poor animals and how cute that pig would look as a pet instead of a meal. 


Now go away.