War Crimes (The Crime Remains the Same)

Hello all, and by all I mean the three people who actually read my blog. First things first, let's get all the crap out the way, I had a reasonable week, and this blog is a day late. SHOCK HORROR. I have a really weird ocd, so I'm actually kind of annoyed with myself. The reason it's late is, I lost track of time yesterday, and I had my trial at the bar in Remix. If any of you want to know, I got the job, yay! However, it is really long hours, I didn't get in until 4:30, after finishing at 3:30 in the morning. Obviously, I was in no state to write this, so I gave in and collapsed on my bed. This is hopefully the start of a new job that goes really well. Or I might mess it up and nobody will hire me again. Ever. 


I hope you've all had a palatable week, though I don't know why I ask, nobody ever tells me on this blog, apart from Mira. ;) This week's blog was going to be about the Iraq War. However, I thought I'd be fun and tell you all how last night went. As if you care. But we'll start with the Iraq War for now. (The title of this blog being appropriate, it's a song by The Specials if you wanted to know.)


What a joyful subject. I love war, bloody love it. I love hearing about all those people who died and got blown u- Actually I'll stop right there, in case people don't detect my sarcasm, and then think I'm a really sadistic bastard. I wanted to blog about this as it's an issue I have a different opinion than most. Also, unless you have been under a rock, you'll have noticed Blair is up for an Inquiry into why he went into Iraq in the first place. What drove him to mercilessly go in with the gun-toting Bush, and slaughter all those people? Ah what a pillock. Now, I'll start by stating my opinion on the Iraq War. I personally believe it was completely justified to get rid of Saddam. In the words of Blair himself: 


“Responsibility, but not a regret for removing Saddam Hussein. I believe he was a monster, that he threatened not just the region but the world."


I concur Mr. Blair. I also think taking him out aggressively was far better than following the U.N's tactic of, basically writing angry letters to make him stop doing what he was doing. However, that's about as far as my opinion on the Iraq War goes when it comes to why it was a good idea. I certainly believe it's a joke (not a funny one, obviously) how long we've been out there. It was also absurd the reasons they gave for invading. "He had WMDs!" Yes, it is bad if he did. He was a bit of  a dictator. But hang on a second...YOU'VE got them too! But that's ok is it? How about you all get rid of them? I understand that will never be a realistic goal, but it's nice to promote liberal bullshit once in a while :) 


Also, I'd like to make the point which most people don't know. Saddam never said to the UN he had WMDs, he just said "You can't look." Which, apologies if this sounds ludicrous, I think he has every right to a bit of privacy! However, it's an incredibly complex issue and the bottom line is, we've ballsed it up :)  


Right, on to last night. It was fun, despite being really hard work. I was doing bar running, so my tasks included, collecting the empty bottles and cups, then washing them and returning them. I also had to check the two bars, which was three by the end of the night, for the ice levels, the water available and the stock of drinks. This was all a big rush, and I was constantly on my feet! I didn't really like doing the running between the bars for the main reason of the massive crowd in my way. It was incredibly infuriating having to say "Excuse me please" about a thousand times. Also, some people were just rude, and stood in stupid places. And some danced with me? Why? I'm clearly working... moron. One particular moron asked me how much a beer was when I was carrying them to restock a fridge...No...you don't buy them from me, what am I? A travelling merchant? Alls well that ends well though, and let's hope it keeps being a-ok.


I don't really have much else to say, I have two essays due in, so I'll start those now (lies)...and obviously, facebook awaits. I want to offer you all (again, by all I mean three) the name of a very funny t.v show, that's on Comedy Central on Mondays at 10:00pm.
30 Rock is the name and it really is a genius bit of comedy, staring Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin (the non-crazy creationist Baldwin). 


Here's a trailer, there's no really good clips of it on youtube...


30 Rock Trailer


Right, good luck to me on my essays, and good luck to those for the next week.
Now go away.

This is a Low

Hello there. I am not a happy bunny. No sir, not at all. (You're probably not at all surprised, I come across as such a cynical tosser in this blog, you assume I walk round with fists curled grunting angrily at anyone.) Well, I'll tell you why. I lost my job...but it wasn't my fault. No, unfortunately for me, my company's losing money, and so needs to cut people out. So I lost it. Brilliant. I'd like to confirm, I'm not mad at my company or my boss, just the bloody road works in Letchworth. So, shall I rant today? I'm sorely tempted, and I will a little bit about the roadworks, but, I feel today I'll talk about something that inspires me. (And before you almost explode in your pants, it's not about the efforts to help out the people of Haiti, though that is most admirable). I shall talk about my favourite actor and their best works. This week's blog is not original, but you know what, I just lost my job, so fuck originality. Also, the title is a Blur song. I think it suits my mood for now...listen to it :) 


Firstly, let's get the inevitable out the way. So, I lose my job due to the recent refurbishment works in Letchworth. Now, pardon me if I'm being naive, but what is the actual point of what's going on there? Like, it looks like they've just decided to get a lot of diggers, dig up the road, and spend your money that's right your money, and for what? I know for a fact I'm not the only one pissed off by this, it's a joke. I believe, it is mainly being done to make more parking, and ironically, the road works are disrupting shoppers, so the only places getting business are the big ones like Blockbusters and Morrisons. Letchworth Town Council, fuck off yeah? Ok, done.


Right, on to the main bit of this blog. My favourite actor has to be John Cusack. He's a relatively underrated actor I feel, yet he's really so good to watch. I heavily recommend the following, Con Air, Stand by Me (A small role, but, see that film anyway!), Being John Malkovich. Grosse Point Blank, High Fidelity, Martian Child and War Inc.


I think his best film has to be High Fidelity or Martian Child. High Fidelity is going to be hugely funny anyway, it's adapted from a Nick Hornby novel, therefore, hilarious! But, on reading this particular book, I realised something. John Cusack was exactly the sort of guy I'd cast in the role of Rob Gordan. It was brilliant. Then I realised something else...John Cusack ALWAYS manages this. He has such a range and it's momentous to see him just do what he does. 


I mean, take Martian Child. A first glance at it, it's such a clichéd concept for a film, just watch the trailer on youtube. Yet, John Cusack makes it ok. I watched it, and was literally crying my eyes out at one moving scene. It really made me love the man more.


Another thing he does well is to manage to immerse you without the need to directly address you. I'm not sure how else to describe his skill, but let me repeat now, watch him, in anything, do it, now...right now, what else are you doing? 


I'll leave you now, I feel my blog quality is slowly slipping off the shit end of the pier of my imagination. I hope you don't feel like I've wasted your time. 


I'll just leave with you two clips, one from Grosse Point Blank, and one from an amusing interview with Cusack.


John Cusack in Grosse Point Blank



and


Just embarassing, John Cusack interview.



Enjoy the rest of your week, I know I won't.
Now go away.

Cool Confusion

Hello those reading the posting for this week. I don't know why you're reading this. Perhaps you're looking for a laugh, perhaps you're looking for the meaning of life...O wait no, you're clearly here because I told you to "check out the new post on my blog mate!", or someone hasn't posted on your "wall" in a while, so you're stuck in a boredom loop...you want to do anything else, but what if somebody comments a photo or sends you a message! And you can't CLOSE Facebook, that'd be unforgivable in the book of cool...so you sit there, waiting, and waiting...and before you know it, you're dead. Ok, nothing that extreme, but stop...seriously.

This week, I've learnt the true nature of hard work. I've been hitting the books (I've never truly understood that phrase...) and revising for my European History exam. If you care, which you don't, I think I did pretty well, which you were wishing I didn't. ;) No, I'm going on the hope you do care about my well-being. But the real topic that I want to discuss this week is the idea of cool. The title being a Clash song, 'Cool Confusion'.
I have never really been cool. I'm not degrading myself, just accepting that I've never gone with the norm.

Being cool these days generally means you own a copy of Call of Duty : Modern Warfare Two. If you don't own this game, for whatever reason, you're almost a freak to British society. This is what annoys me. I'm sure Call of Duty has deserved the ridiculous amount of coverage it got, and all of the gameplay is lovely (except for the level where you had to shoot all those innocent pe-o wait, no I thought that was hilarious. They aren't real). However, let me ask you, is it really so worthwhile, that now it's cool to play it, and arrange your life around it? I'm mainly thinking back to the old days where half the people who play Call of Duty were out with mates. I was sat at home, crouched over my Playstation One, replaying Metal Gear Solid or completing a basic platformer like Spyro the Dragon. I was not cool. I was not popular. However, apparently in today's world, if you go out on a Saturday afternoon, the closest thing you'll find to a companion is an old lady doing her shopping. Why? Everybody's on their Xbox or Playstation 3. Brilliant.

Which raises another point. Referring back to Facebook, have you noticed we almost dedicate our lives around it? It's awful, I try to quit, but it's like a bad drug. I need it, yet despise it. It slows school work, it makes you inept at communicating in real life, as you're just constantly typing "Eeeeasy, what's guanning?" (I don't care for the correct spelling of this ridiculous slang.) Basically, we need never talk again. All we ever do is go on facebook to arrange meeting up, then when we do, we dance to music so loud we can't HEAR ourselves talk, and then get so drunk we find it impossible to form basic sentences for the walk on the way home. (Going back to last week's posting, some moronic people find articulating a basic sentence regardless, no matter how drunk they are.) If this is cool, I genuinely think we're a bit fucked as a nation...

Wow, one swear word, not bad for this week! Sorry this was shorter than usual, I found it hard to really rant without making myself sound like a depressive. I don't have a video for you I'm afraid, but I have a lovely quote from Malcolm Muggeridge:


"Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream"


I hope you all have a lovely weekend. Now go away.

A.K.A I-D-I-O-T

Hello again people of this planet that is destined to die one day. What a cheerful thought to start us off eh? No, I hope you've all had a bloody good week since my last posting, mine has been torn between love and hate. I love the fact we got two days off because of the snow, I love the fact I finally purchased The Wire boxset on DVD, and I love that I've actually done an amount of revision. I HATE the cold, I hate the fact I have to work when there's beautiful snow, and I hate...well I don't have a third, so I hate racists, that's something I can hate that won't offend a single person, lovely.


Anyway, for those who read my last posting, you'll notice I flitted between topics. A friend of mine, namely Megan, suggested I focus on one topic a week, to give it more of a steadfast approach for people reading, i.e. not all over the place. So the topic this week, if the title (a song by The Hives, if you're wondering) hadn't been bleeding obvious, is stupid people.


Yes, stupid people. Stupid people annoy me more than words can say...actually backtrack a minute, I realise how ridiculous I sound, some people can't HELP being stupid (I hear you cry in my head). No, ok, what I'm referring to is people with lots of money, yet who don't deserve it, and are so thick they DO deserve to be smacked in the face several times for their obnoxious ways. I'll divide them into categories for you, I'm writing this off the cuff, so how many categories will be, however many I think of.


The stupid-with money to get them out of trouble
A common example for me of this type of stupid is Paris "the slut" Hilton. She is SO stupid, it actually pains me to hear her talk. She's also filthy rich, so it doesn't matter if she does anything wrong, like DRINK AND DRIVE. But poor little Paris wasn't cut out for prison life...aww diddums. Fuck off. I truly feel sorry for her father, who's made a commendable business in the hotel industry, and has done a lot of good.

The stupid that you think beauty is everything

Watch American imported shit like 90210, or "The Hills". Both of my sisters watch this, and I am convinced they are killing their brain cells. It is an abomination of television. All the people in it, can't act for shit. They all use broken up sentences like "I..uh...like...uh...saw her...um, down at the...uh..club..I think?" Look bitch, learn to talk coherently or get the fuck off my telly. And also, you don't notice how stupid they are because they're all gorgeous. I know I am not good looking, but at least I know I have a god damn brain.

The stupid who are therefore ignorant
This type of stupid are your typical racists or those who think it's "ok" to use terms such as Paki, Nigger and other derogatory slang freely. They're so thick, they vote for fat boy Nick Griffin (who ironically, can't be stupid as he went to Cambridge), and that's why the BNP now have two seats. Hooray. (This kind of stupid makes me almost consider a radical statement made by the Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton, who basically said, "Stupid people shouldn't get the right to vote, they're too ignorant to do any good."
Brilliant, now I sound like a facist.


The stupid that they make common mistakes with their grammar and spelling
Look, I don't know who taught you, but chances are they did a shit job, or you didn't pay attention. I'll give you another example here, "I wouldn't say your weirder than your sister, I'd say you're normaler."
I'm sorry, that word just got underlined in red...I wonder why, O THAT'S right it's not a bloody word! If you want more examples, just listen to the common person talk, on the news, or in the street. Chances are they'll make a good number of errors with their grammar.


And finally, four apparently, for number of categories.
The stupid who think it's a-ok to go to other countries and act like an absolute berk
This fits sort of under the category of ignorance, but still, it's enough in itself to get its own category. I watched a show last night, god knows what it was called, something like "holiday madness." Essentially, it was a show about British tourists on holiday. You know, a couple of months ago, they did that Panorama special on racism? Remember that feeling you got about how it made you embarassed to be Britsh...well this show brought back that feeling in style. These "test" subjects were sent away to the resort of Magaluf. It's just a big city for boozing and partying and lots and lots of sex. (Prostitution is not illegal...brilliant!) It did really show the horror of too much alcohol, and the stupidity of some of these wankers who parade themselves over there. Recounting some classic examples of tosser behaviour:
- Getting so drunk you fall into the road, and almost get hit by a car.
- Dive into a swimming pool, and crack your head.
- Taking direct pumps of alcohol into the brain, then claiming you don't care about the medical effects, it feels too good.
- Taking a wonder pill that "supposedly" cures all STDs, so you don't have to use a condom.
and finally, the big one
- Despite almost losing the ability to walk, because a doctor told you "It might not have been the alcohol", you take that as "LET'S KEEP GOING!"
For anyone who knows me, I'm not a heavy drinker at all...I like the odd pint, but these examples might make you think eh? And by the way, I don't really give that much of a shit if you binge every friday night, your choice, it's legal. But for goodness sake, stop going over to other nations and making an absolute arse of yourself.


I've probably lost all of you by now, but if you're still reading, I'm not a complete bastard. I do like a lot of people, it's just generally the media's lovely way of printing out reams of shit (namely Heat, Ok, and The Daily Mail) or producing television designed to make you feel better about yourself. (It's not really, it's nicknamed aspirational television, you're meant to want to be like the people on "My Super Sweet 16th") Well I know I don't, and I hope you don't too.


To be honest, I've probably lost a lot of you with my point, not to imply you're of low intelligence, just I am not writing this clearly, despite its original focus point. I guess to sum up, stupid people are aggravating, stupid people with money are dangerous. They don't know what to do with themselves, and tend to be gorgeous or have so much money it glazes over the fact they're stupid. Don't be fooled, see past it, and mock them hard.
ESPECIALLY spoilt little brats on My Super Sweet Sixteen. Prime example, meet Audrey!

I hope this wasn't too angry for you.
Now go away.

Two Weeks

Hello all reading this. I doubt there's many of you, but to those who are, hello.

I'm sure you don't expect a great piece of prose, and I don't think I could meet them even if these expectations did exist! But I will try my best to amuse, to stimulate your minds with some thoughts, and possibly even just cheer you up if you're having a bad day.

This is my first of, hopefully, many posts in this blog. I have never really considered an internet blog, until about a week ago, a lovely friend called Mira suggested I start one. I had made a joke that I come across as quite friendly and cheerful, but I'm actually quite angry at the world, and keep inside many agitations I have. Mira believed it would be good for me to unleash it on here. (This does not mean they will always be angry things mind, but expect some full-on rants about injustices in the world.) I also saw it as a good idea to start a blog so that I could practice my writing style, so my essays in school might flow better. I have a real problem organising my thoughts, and so I thought this could be a good creative outlet to help me beat this problem. However, I don't plan to exert huge amounts of effort editing this, so don't expect perfection ;)

Also, part of me feels it is not necessary to write beautifully to be a good writer. My prime example, and a man I greatly admire is Charlie Brooker. He write brilliantly, yet, it's nothing sublime, just simple English to make a hard hitting point.

Right, so it's 2010, and to be honest with you, it genuinely scares the shit out of me. I mean, a decade ago, it was the new millennium, great! I actually cannot remember a great deal in the period from then to now, I mean, it's just gone so fast! I already feel oldish, being nineteen and being among seventeen and eighteen year olds at school. For those reading who do not quite understand how this works, it is simply, I spent nine months in the United States between my GCSE and A-Levels. I don't like to talk about it (although I bet there are some thinking "Yeah right!") I honestly feel like it's bragging, so I only mention it when I feel the need to.

As I was saying, the fact this decade has gone so fast, makes me realise how short life truly is...philosophy bullshit out the way, simply, I should do more while I can!

I am currently listening to Blur, one of my favourite bands, and browsing youtube and "facebooking" (that's right, it's got so popular, it's a verb now, go on, look it up.) I really should be revising for my History re-sits, but it's New Year's Day, that can wait! I am quite stressed, but I reckon when it comes to it, part of me can pull the stops on this one, just constant use of the library for the next few weeks, every day after school and each Sunday should do it :). I don't really want luck from people, as I believe it's either I do the work and hopefully do well, or I don't, luck is not a part of it. However, I will not reject any well-wishers, and will appreciate it just the same.

I hope everybody had a great New Year's Eve, and an exciting lead into this new era. I certainly did for most of it. The evening was spent at a neighbours house, eating a LOT of food and watching TV and a film. The film being Bruno, which I don't actually recommend at all, as the moments which are actually funny are unbalanced by the crudeness and the stupidity of it. I also had a thoroughly enjoyable Christmas, with many presents I didn't truly deserve due to the lack of work I've really done so far, however, I think I'm intrinsically good? Meh, my parents are just far too kind. (As is other family who also gave me excellent presents.)

One to be noted was my Nan's gift of "1001 Movies to See Before You Die" I understand how hard it is to squeeze in that few a number into a period covering one hundred years (quite up to date, the last film being Slumdog Millionaire). However, there were some inexcusable omissions, notably, The Big Lebowski, The Warriors and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I am sure there are others that needed to be mentioned, but they were the one's that sprung to mind, or at least those where I checked then went "Waaa?" when I found them to be missing.

I would also like to point out how happy I was by Manchester United's excellent win last Wednesday. It truly gave me hope for the New Year that we can clinch this title in a daring Premiership face-off.

Going back to music, as briefly mentioned earlier by what I was listening to, I would like to point out a band that was pointed out to me by a certain Mr. Clark Jackson, a very good friend in the States. The band being Grizzly Bear, and I have recently acquired their album Veckatimest, which I suggest you all listen to, especially track two, so noted Two Weeks. The title of this blog is two weeks, as this is when my re-sits begin, the most important thing in my life right now. Also, I'm being bloody unoriginal and using the old technique (if it can be called that) of naming blogs things that are appropriate to the subject matter, but also songs by artists I like. If you think it's unoriginal, well shut up. Just kidding, I know it is unoriginal, but I don't care. I wanted to use a Blur song, but I couldn't find anything that fitted with anything in this posting...maybe next time eh?

I have started to realise this is a bit too "cheery" and I promised a rant. Well, I don't know if any of you caught the Christmas special of Outnumbered. If you didn't, watch it. There's a brilliant moment when Hugh Dennis is discussing with his younger children Ben and Karen the bankers and their brilliance of spending our bloody money. He says something (in response to the innocent questioning of "Who's he?") along the lines of "Ah, see he's a naughty man, who lost a lot of our money!" He then pulls a confused face and thinks for a moment and adds slowly, "...and then...we gave him more of our money, because of the money he'd lost..."

It wasn't too political to be in your face, it was just simple enough to make me go "I understand this is a comedy, but too right! WANKER BANKERS, WANKER BANKERS!"

I don't have an understanding of any depth on this issue, I just know that the tossers cost us a lot, yet they still expect stupid bonus'. Also, to my knowledge the Royal Bank of Scotland was bailed out again by 28 billion pounds. Can you even imagine that amount of money? I certainly can't. It's amazing, they're going on about "We don't have enough money for this service..." etc, yet can give away that kind of money.

I fully understand the banks need it, especially RBS, chances are, you have money with them, but don't come on TV and LIE to us, just say, look, we need this money to bail out the banks, why we don't have any. Don't pretend you're skint, then go off and spend that kind of money. You absolute wankers.

I suppose I shall end this with a quote I rather like, from a man I quite like, Mr. Brooker. O sod it, I can't find anything good right now. I'll just post a video, of him discussing a show that you should all try, The Wire. It's a brilli- well just watch the video.

Also, catch him tonight at 9:05 pm on Channel Four on The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2009, alongside such comic genius' as David Mitchell, Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross.

This is me over and out for now, I will update again soon, if you even give a shit.

Now go away.